WHAT REMAKES SHOULD BE MADE?
July 9th 2010 01:07
If the original movie had a great premise or synopsis, but didn’t have the production values (or director and actors) behind it to make it as convincing as it should’ve been then a remake is a good call. On occasion, the direction and acting might’ve been fine, but the budgetary constraints and maybe the morality of the time made the movie more of an atmospheric gem, thus a remake allows the story’s true potent carnal viscera to be unleashed, such as the original Cat People (1942). On many occasions the movie was simply too trashy to be taken seriously, yet from a modernised perspective could be updated to spectacular effect!
In the case of Zack Snyder’s remake of Dawn of the Dead, a zombie carnage cult classic , he made sure the special effects were state of the art (as much as I love SFX guru Tom Savini, his work on Romero’s original is more graphically cartoony than genuinely shocking). In some cases, it might just be the “updating” from black and white to colour, and the performances less stylized, that gives the movie some much-needed zing, although that artistic and technique decision is arguable of course.
So, with remakes given the Horrorphile green light (I wanted to say crimson or scarlet light, but that suggests halting), but under strict conditions, what movies should be remade? Here are (another) five movies I think could be remade and turned into an exciting contemporary cinema experience for the hungry horrorphile. However I must mention that I’m in no way saying the originals of the first two are inferior movies, on the contrary.
The original: Robert Weiner’s silent, black and white expressionist masterpiece about a story being related that concerns a traveling carnival and the doctor and his sideshow clairvoyant, a somnambulist, who predicts a murder, then abducts a girl.
The remake: In a small European modern day township a young couple being embroiled in the sinister goings-on of a deranged traveling carnivalist and his entranced serial killer.
The new director: David Lynch (The Elephant Man, Blue Velvet, Twin Peaks)
The original: John Carpenter’s super-low budget sf black comedy about a small crew of men onboard a claustrophobic spaceship whose job it is blowing up unstable planets. Along the way they encounter a bizarre alien creature and a temperamental bomb.
The remake: Ditching the comedy to make a creepy and disturbing thriller of cosmic madness and impending doom when an onboard bomb activates and can’t be disengaged, whilst an outlandish and disturbing alien stalks the frazzled crew.
The new director: Gonzalo Lopez-Gallego (King of the Hill)
The original: Tobe Hooper’s very-low budget, almost theatrical, chamber piece concerning the dodgy affairs of a disgruntled Louisiana hotel owner, his annoying guests … and his very hungry pet crocodile in the swampy pit next door.
The remake: A modern grindhouse experience with loads of sleazy sex and gruesome reptilian carnage using state of the art prosthetics and CGI amidst a heavy, humid atmosphere of pure menace.
The new director: Xavier Gens (Frontiers)
The original: Lucio Fulci’s shameless cash-in on Romero’s Dawn of the Dead (originally called Zombi 2, although it’s not a sequel, but more widely known under its UK title Zombie Flesh Eaters), concerns the search for a woman's father at a tropical island where a doctor desperately searches for the cause and cure of a recent epidemic of the undead.
The remake: An all-out zombie apocalypse on a lush tropical island, featuring eye-popping gore and a bunch of spunky, charismatic actors getting munched, and including an outrageously over-the-top battle between a zombie and a great white!
The new director: Michele Soavi (Stagefright, The Church, Dellamorte, Dellamore)
The original: David Blyth’s made-on-the-smell-of-an-oily- rag shocker about a man who was hypnotized as a kid by a mad scientist to kill his parents and ends up in a mental institution, and as an adult he returns to seek revenge.
The remake: A surrealistic psychopath on the rampage with a tunnel vision perspective from the killer’s point-of-view. A boundary-pushing 3-D experience unlike anything you’ve ever seen … or felt!
The new director: Gaspar Noe (I Stand Alone, Irreversible)
So what movies do you think could/should be remade?
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Comment by Deni
Abstract Magick
Cinema Herald
When Zombie came out, our city experienced the worst black-out from an electrical storm - no power for about 4 days! Pitch black! This happened just after the movie was released and the promos for Zombie were still advertised. A group of kids had already gone to see the movie and were deliberately terrorizing our street. I wasn't even 10 years old then and horrified!
My vote is to see Zombie remade - just for the memories.
Comment by Deni
Abstract Magick
Cinema Herald
Comment by Bryn
Horrorphile
Zombie (Flesh Eaters, as it was titled down under) never made it to New Zealand cinemas ... I discovered that "gem" on battered VHS in my teens ...
Ahhh, The Keep, early Michael Mann. Another early VHS viewing. The Nazi undead. Have you seen Blood Creek?
Comment by Deni
Abstract Magick
Cinema Herald
BTW, I was watching The Vanishing (Remake) last night and I turned it off after the first 24 minutes. Very disappointing...I'll try and watch the rest of it over time. Maybe the director deliberately sabotaged the film to teach Hollywood that they cannot remake perfection - just saying..
Comment by ShaunK
Screen Adventure
Speaking of remake hell they're remaking Martyrs with Kristen Stewart, really, who are they kidding?
All the remakes that come to mind are actually not horror films, I think a remake of 'On her majesty's secret service' would be fantastic, they would preferably not have to botch it up a second time but the idea of Daniel Craig instead of George Lazenby is a big thumbs up in my head.
Hmmm, I'm surprised by your comments regarding the original Cat People, it represented the birth of a more mature American cinema, it was perhaps the first time undercurrents that had more to say than the actual story made their way into the film, Cat People in it's own way was as important as Citizen Kane.
Other remakes though that are horror?.....cant think of any but I think we've suffered the remake wrath enough.....
Comment by Bryn
Horrorphile
Shaun, as I said right at the start of my post, I'm playing devil's advocate.
As for Cat People. Have you read my review? Of either version?
Comment by Deni
Abstract Magick
Cinema Herald
Oh, I wouldn't mind seeing an updated version of "Phantasm".
Comment by Themetalhead
with the dinosaur virus plot still there, even goryier and topped off with the best practical effects that a reasonably budgeted movie can buy
also a Halloween 3 remake simply titled season of the witch to upstage rob zombies terrible red neck Halloween remakes
Comment by Jason King
Sydney Table
Salty Popcorn
Total Randomness
I would also like to see remakes of Percy Jackson and the Lightning Thief, Clash of the Titans and further remakes of every other total shit attempt at making one - do them again and make up for your crap directors!!! And keep making them until I approve of them or no work for you again
LOL Shaun -
Comment by RocketJSquirrel
Beastmaster - CGI animals would probably show up in full-force, but I do not believe I am alone in thinking a new generation needs to be exposed to the franchise.
Freaks - This being one I would have no hope for being as good, I'll only say that it'd be worth it for the morbid curiosity.
Lifeforce - Fascinating concept that suffered in its time, it might be worth a second look if the writing went in a more visceral direction. But they should keep Patrick Stewart, if they can.
Pumpkinhead - Why? I'm not exactly sure, myself... but it would be a fun production to keep track of, in any case.
The People That Time Forgot - This one, I would wholeheartedly see whether the subject matter were taken seriously or not. If not, well, here's hoping that someone nowadays realizes just how insane cavemen and samurai in the same place could really be.
Comment by Bryn
Horrorphile
Here's my two or three cents:
Deni, the compromise of Sluizer's Hollywood Vanishing is a crime to horror movies.
And it's a crime for you to suggest remaking Phantasm, as low-budget as it is, it is one of my all-time favourites, so I'm very precious of it. Hypocritical maybe, but it's my blog prerogative
Metalhead, yes, a remake of Season of the Witch!!! One of my favourite horror movie posters too.
Jason and Rocket, Beastmaster .... sheesh. Who'll play the Tanya Roberts part?
Rocket, I like your other suggestions; Freaks, Lifeforce, and don't you mean The Land that Time Forgot ...?
Jason, I have to disagree with the remaking of the remakes ... Unless it deserved to be remade in the first place. The first Clash of the Titans might've been hokey, but Harry's stop-motion sfx was fantastic (from memory, as I've not seen it since 1981!)
Comment by RocketJSquirrel
Comment by JohnDoe
Film & TV on DVD
I do enjoy the original but think it would benefit from technological advancements and modern sensibilities (Eg: the sex robots and the violence in general). Though it is a science fiction work it does contain elements of nightmare horror ala The Terminator that could classify it in your genre of choice. Maybe in the hands of Paul Verhoven we could have a treat.
I would also think a David Lynch remake of Bunny Lake is Missing could intrigue.
now stop stirring everyone up with talk of worthy remakes
PS - Deni, I totally agree that the remake of The Vanishing is a travesty that removes the teeth of the thrills,... nearly as lame as the remake of The Ring.
Comment by Matt Shea
20/20 Filmsight
The remakes getting churned out at the moment are simply cash-ins on the pop culture cred of flicks that aren't particularly old (and don't need to be redone).
Your reimagining of Fulci's Zombie gave me a giggle too.
Comment by Someone
Evil Pleasures
Random Musings on Life, Love and Everything
Let's Get Down To Business
Err... not given how lame parts 3 and 4 turned out. Curse you, syfy!
On a less serious note, let's see remakes of timeless classics that could never be remade; The Evil Dead, Alien, etc.
Hahaha, forgive me. I know that the genius money-men in Hollywood, wise as they are, would never even dream of touching these classics. They have too much credibility!
Comment by DarkClown
Comment by Bryn
Horrorphile
The Stand should've been made by George Romero many years ago, in fact he and King worked together on a screenplay for awhile, but it never came to fruition. I've never bothered to watch the mini-series.
I've never seen Craven's The People Under the Stairs, so I can't comment there.
Carpenter's In the Mouth of Madness works pretty well, but perhaps a remake could be interesting.
Raimi is already working on a remake of The Evil Dead. I'm not a fan of either of the two sequels, but the original is a cult classic.
Hellraiser is being remade as well. It was to be directed by Pascal Laugier, the director of Martyrs, but he pulled out. The movie is in limbo. I'm a big fan of Hellbound.
It's funny that the directors you mentioned to helm the remakes are the directors of the movies you want remade ... Were you aware of that?
Comment by DarkClown
Comment by Bryn
Horrorphile
Why can't writers and directors come up with new original ideas?
It's so damn lazy to simply plunder someone else's ideas and re-dress them.
I can't stand Rob Zombie's take on the Halloween movies. They appall me.
That said, I really like Zack Snyder's take on Dawn of the Dead.
I'd be a hypocrite if I said I don't think remakes should be made, but I state my point as to when it should be instigated clearly in my post.
With the odd exception of course.
I haven't seen the remake of Amityville Horror, but didn't mind the remake of Texas Chain Saw ... so there you go ... It's a can o' worms.
Comment by DarkClown
Comment by Bryn
Horrorphile
Simply re-release the original in a brand new print. I think people should appreciate art the same way paintings are appreciated. You don't have Monet and Picasso paintings being "remade" for a new audience.
I hated the backstory Zombie made-up for Halloween. The whole reason the "mythology" works is because of the supernatural boogeyman edge Carpenter injected, the mystery. Over-explaining it killed any real nightmare potency for me.