Welcome to the Jungle

Horrorphile

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Welcome to the Jungle

May 16th 2008 01:15

Writer/director Jonathon Hensleigh has been a successful screenwriter and executive producer for Hollywood for more than a decade; Die Hard with a Vengeance, Jumanji, ConAir, Armegeddon, and Gone in Sixty Seconds are some of the movies he’s penned or produced. In 2004 he turned to directing with the dark, trashy, action-hero flick The Punisher. Now he’s jumped on the horror bandwagon with Welcome to the Jungle (2007), a straight-to-DVD title released through Dimension Films’ Extreme division (not to be confused with the action flick starring The Rock!)

From the super-slick to the pseudo-cinema verite, Welcome to the Jungle presents the “found footage” of a group of hapless, unlikable wannabe adventurers who head into the New Guinea jungle to try in an effort to locate Michael Rockefeller, the heir to the American Rockefeller fortune, who disappeared in mysterious circumstances in 1961, supposedly launching the largest manhunt in American history. He was never found, and it is generally thought he ended up in a cannibal cauldron.

The movie wears its influences brazenly on its sleeve, and therein lies the problem, the two movies it steals blatantly from are unquestionably better: The Blair Witch Project (1999) and Cannibal Holocaust (1980). Hensleigh has good intentions, and the movie, for the most part, has good production values (if shaky-cam, no music, and wilderness location shooting amount to much), but it becomes bogged down very quickly, and, ultimately, doesn’t deliver the goods.

Welcome to the Jungle Sandy Gardiner and Veronica Sywak

Aussie chums Mandi (Sandy Gardiner) and Bijou (Veronica Sywak) talk secret girls business before the big adventure

American Colby (Callard Harris) and his Australian girlfriend Mandi (Sandy Gardiner) team up with Colby’s buddy Mikey (Nick Richey) and Mandi’s Aussie mate Bijou (Veronica Sywak), whilst holidaying in Fiji. They’ve had a tip-off that an older, bearded man that bears a striking resemblance to Michael Rockefeller has been spotted in the New Guinea jungles. So they get drunk and decide, what the hey, let’s go on an adventure, find the missing man, bring him back to civilization and get filthy rich with the inevitable story-sell.

Ahhh, if only it were that easy. From the start there’s trouble, and it only gets worse. Colby and Mandi are focused and driven, while Bijou and Mikey are erratic and casual. Bijou is scatter-brained, Mikey is arrogant, and both of them prefer to get hammered each night. So tensions quickly arise. This of course is during the lengthy travel time we spend with the two couples which pretty much occupies the bulk of the movie’s 80-odd-minute running time.

Welcome to the Jungle Callard Harris and Sandy Gardiner

Colby (Callard Harris) and Mandi gettin' their feet dirty

The footage for all of this is presented at the very beginning of the movie as “Camera #1”. There is a second camera, but it’s safely in Mandi’s backpack. Whereas The Blair Witch Project's bickering and group tension played out superbly against the claustrophobia and impending doom associated with being lost in a forest, Welcome to the Jungle’s similar dynamic just isn’t that dynamic. For starters the actors aren’t as good as they think they are, so their characters aren’t as nearly as convincing as they should be. Secondly, two much happens conveniently for the camera (an inherent problem when you’re dealing with “found footage”). Thirdly, there is no apparent fear, as the majority of the action takes place in broad daylight with lush greenery all around; the scenery looks great, it almost distracts from the narrative.

Mikey and Bijou are confronted by one of the locals

The Blair Witch Project dealt with the supernatural, and ghosts and spectres and things that go bump in the night are fundamentally elusive and tricky. It worked because it was always more about the fear of the unknown and the power of the dark than any actual physical violence. But cannibals are cannibals are cannibals. If you’re gonna have a movie about people falling prey to humans who eat humans then you’d better make sure you’ve got the horror goods in your bag, especially when the audience has tolerated more than an hour listening to these honky idiots arguing and bitching and stealing each other’s things, and then abandoning each other.

Yup, Mikey and Bijou steal one of the cameras and jump on the raft, intent on having their own adventure, sick of Colby and Mandi’s uptight attitude. But of course Mandi and Colby have another camera. And so after Mikey and Bijou run afoul of one of the local tribes and their camera is left by the river’s edge we are then presented with “Camera #2”.

Bijou gets a mouthful from the locals and ends up with a splitting headache

I think I’m already giving this movie more space and credit than it’s due. So, you know from the start of this movie these two couples aren’t gonna have a happy ending. Perhaps one couple might survive. Colby and Mandi come across Bijou (in a surprisingly convincing Cannibal Holocaust “tribute”), and after night falls they hear the blood-curdling screams of agony from Mikey somewhere close by.

They eventually find poor Mikey, sans arm and feet, but, wow, he’s still alive (!) Colby does the honourable thing, and then the two of them attempt to get the hell out of dodge. But instead they meet another tribe who appear benevolent. The tribesmen offer them food and festive necklaces, and let them sit near the fire to watch the ritualistic dancing. “Well, at least we get out of here alive,” Colby assures Mandi, who nods in relief as she scoffs down the meat stew.

Colby and Mandi discover the remains of a Christian jungle missionary couple

Yeah, right. Well, there are a couple of very quick money-shots, but nothing to write home about; decapitated head, severed torso, but it’s all come too late in the game. And it doesn’t possess any of the visceral punch the premise demands. The build-up has taken far too long, and the pay-off is half-assed. The most convincing and chilling moment is a brief meeting the two couples have with an Aussie swagman who solemnly warns them not to screw around with any tribal death artifacts they might come across (Mikey is harbouring a skull he just found).

A final word to the Dimension Films company; if you’re gonna have a subsidiary division called “Extreme” then go the bloody distance guys!

Here's the trailer:

Special Note: My Welcome to the Jungle post is the springboard for a series of movie reviews on hardcore nightmares which I’m calling my "Extremus Atrox" selection. So next week prepare to have your sensibilities challenged with a potent bunch of movies that are truly subversive and controversial, dark as coal, twisted like barbwire, intensely graphic and atmospheric, and nasty as Hell, but also, provocative, relevant and memorable in this important cinematic arena that is the modern horror genre.

Consider yourselves warned.

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Posted By: Bryn - Category: movie reviews

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Comments

12 Comments. [ Add A Comment ]

Comment by Damo

May 16th 2008 04:10

Jungles can be scary places even in daylight.
But this one just looks like a tourist shot.
Teens in trouble flick.
Yes we do need another one of those.

Comment by Cibbuano

May 16th 2008 04:46

Hunt Famous
Orble Post of the Day
Fat Cult
Techbreak

I'd love someone to make a decent tribute to Cannibal Holocaust...

...looking forward to having my sensibilities challenged!

Comment by Bryn

May 16th 2008 05:36

Horrorphile

Cibby, JD they're actually gonna remake Cannibal Holocaust (!!!) Can you imagine anything more absurd?!

Comment by Jarrah

May 16th 2008 08:25

Back to the Eighties

Ugh.

Great song, bad movie.

Although the Rock one wasn't actually that bad.

Comment by Ayda

May 16th 2008 14:00

Phantasmelodia

Cannibal Holocaust and The Last House on the Left are two movies that are being remade and better left alone because their fame and fortune come from the fact that they explored uncharted territory aka torture on the verge of gore back in the days.

Now that violence is everywhere, I highly doubt that any movie such as this one or a remake to Holocaust can impress today's audience. We see flying arms in the morning, decapitated heads in the afternoon and bloody corpses in the evening.

This is the the main reason why J-horror has been dominating the genre as of late. It almost religiously sticks with the supernatural instead of vampires, cannibals or serial killers or what have you.

Comment by Bryn

May 17th 2008 03:41

Horrorphile

Ayda, God knows how the remakes of Cannibal Holocaust and LAst House on the Left are going to work. Half of their potency lies in the low-budget production values, and the remakes certainly won't be low-budget. Also, I can't see any remake of Holocaust having real animal cruelty in it ...

We see flying arms in the morning, decapitated heads in the afternoon and bloody corpses in the evening.

hahahaha!

I love J-horror. Have you seen any or many of Takashi Miike's movies? Love his work.

Comment by Wynona Lavota

May 17th 2008 07:56

Generation Y Life

I look forward to your future reviews. The lastfew horror movies that I've watched turned out to be quite disappointing IMO but maybe I'll find somthing decent among your reviews.

Comment by Ayda

May 17th 2008 09:04

Phantasmelodia

I love anything Japanese, Bryn

They have such intense emotions but have a culture that suppresses them traditionally (much like the Turkish culture, indeed but ours is one-dimensional, theirs is rich) so they've found other (very impressive and artistic) means of expressing these feelings. Chinese history and culture also awe me. Shortly, I'm a sucker for Far East.

Anyway, yes I've watched Takashi Miike's One Last Call and Audition. I have been dying to watch Itchi the Killer but still haven't as of yet. What do I think of the previous two? Had high hopes for Audition because I had heard constant praise about it. I'm afraid, I wasn't impressed that much. One Last Call is another story, though... Brilliant idea, film and franchise, I always say.

Any Miike movies you recommend?

Comment by Bryn

May 19th 2008 00:25

Horrorphile

Wynona, so which movies did you see that disappointed you?

Comment by Bryn

May 19th 2008 00:29

Horrorphile

Ayda, I haven't seen One Missed Call yet. I plan to watch Audition again, as I was tired the first time, and found it quite slow. Ichi the Killer is extraordinary. Also, Imprint (the episode he did for the American Masters of Horror cable series, which was subsequently banned). There's also one I'll be reviewing in the next week or so Visitor Q, which I haven't yet viewed, but looks perversely intriguing. Have you seen both Shinya Tsukamoto's Tetsuo movies? Iron Man and Body Hammer. Amazing stuff.

Comment by Ayda

May 19th 2008 01:45

Phantasmelodia

Nope but I've heard that Iron Man is amazing, Bryn. Now that you've agreed, I'll make sure I'll look into it. As for Miike's "Masters of Horror" episode, I'm only one episode away from Imprint. Yay!

I'm still dizzy from Carpenter's Cigarette Burns. Now that was euphoric!

Looking forward to the Visitor Q review.

Comment by Bryn

May 19th 2008 02:32

Horrorphile

Ayda, yes, cigerette burns was one of the better ones fer sure ... Also I really liked Argento's Jenifer. I reviewed Jenifer here and Miike's Imprint here

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