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“A horror film’s job is to scare you, is to get your pulse going, is to make you scream and yell. It’s to make you be afraid. That’s its main purpose, and creeping you out. And that can be an enjoyable experience.” --- John Carpenter ::::::::::::: MY CRITERIA FOR DISCUSSION ENCOMPASSES THE HORROR GENRE AND BEYOND, SO I USE THE TERM "NIGHTMARE MOVIES". SPOILERS CAN OCCUR WITH OR WITHOUT WARNING. READ AT YOUR OWN RISK.

Saturn 3

July 1st 2009 01:52
Saturn 3 movie poster
This tragic piece of cosmic debris holds a special place in my cine heart, and it is a fitting week that I review it, if anything just to pay tribute to the svelte sexiness of Farrah Fawcett, because as a movie Saturn 3 (1980) is not very good. It’s deep trash; hopelessly derivative, with a clunky narrative and dodgy special effects. Yet, I can’t shake the movie. I come back to it periodically, mostly out of curiosity, as the movie has a fascinating history.

The basic plot has Benson (Harvey Keitel), a psychopath on a mission, killing Captain James (Douglas Lambert) gruesomely (with little regard for plausibility), then impersonating the astronaut. He travels to Saturn 3 (is it an asteroid or is it Titan, it’s never made clear) with his large trusty canister (which, inexplicably, wasn’t sucked out into space in the bizarre locker-room-cum-airlock). Upon arrival he introduces himself to the two neo-hippie scientists in charge of a large hydroponic research station (Earth is over-populated and food is now being sourced off-world); Adam (Kirk Douglas) and his partner Alex (Farrah Fawcett). There’s also Alex’s mutt, Sally, and a couple of service robots in the facility.
Saturn 3 Farrah Fawcett
Farrah Fawcett as Alex
While contact with Earth is blocked due to a 22-day eclipse, Benson aka James makes immediate lustful eyes for Alex (hey, who wouldn’t?) and repeatedly tries, in the most uncouth and vain manner, to get into Alex’s jumpsuit, much to Adam’s restrained chagrin. While he bides his time Benson assembles and initiates the helper, Hector, the first in the "Demi-God" series of robots. Hector is an eight-foot tall humanoid hulk with red and blue liquid in tubing running from foot to head (well, actually Hector doesn’t have a head, instead a pair of electric eyes on a swivel-stick), and metal casing protecting the canister Benson brought with him which is revealed to hold a massive amount of brain tissue taken from fetuses – thus perfect for programming. However, Benson prefers to have Hector operate from direct input; a flesh-jack at the base of Benson’s neck (the so-called cortical stack, if you’ve read the brilliant sf novel Altered Carbon), thus Benson communicates and instructs Hector, brain to brain.
Saturn 3 Kirk Douglas
Kirk Douglas as Adam
Of course this means Hector is infused with Benson’s unhinged, homicidal nature, so it isn’t long before Hector is on the rampage and although Benson is accountable, the huge whirring killer-bot is out of his control. First to go is Sally. Adam manages to knock Hector out of commission, and pulls rank (he’s a Major, and believes Benson to be Captain James), ordering Benson to dis-assemble Hector and return to Earth. But Hector's brain uses a bit of “Bluetooth” hanky-panky and instructs the service robots to re-assemble the parts. Then it’s back to the terrorising game.
Saturn 3 Harvey Keitel
Harvey Keitel as Benson
Saturn 3 was the project of legendary production designer John Barry (Star Wars, Superman), who envisioned a lush and dark precautionary tale of the future. He provided the story and was the movie’s initial director. However the budget was cut back during production because of spiraling costs on Raise the Titantic! (from the same film company). According to imdb Barry was fired after creative disputes with Kirk Douglas, however I’ve also read that it was Barry's untimely death during production that led to legendary director Stanley (Singin' in the Rain) Donen take over. Donen apparently wanted to downplay the exploitation elements of the movie, so unfortunately a couple of intense scenes were cut before release: Adam and Alex killing Benson in a fantasy sequence (possibly after dropping the classic Blue Dreamer pills) and a rather gory sequence where Hector dismantles Benson’s body, which would explain the memorable shot of Hector with Benson’s severed head slotted over his/its own swivel-stick head.
Saturn 3 departure lounge
Catwalk fashion production or spacecraft departure foyer?
Saturn 3 Douglas Lambert
Captain James suited up, about to die
The last quarter of the movie is incredibly clunky and the ending is very abrupt. There’s also a big jump in the narrative time-line which leaves the viewer going “Huh?”. With seven assistant directors and six assistant editors I can’t help but wonder what the movie’s original rough cut was like; no doubt far more interesting, visceral and dramatic. The screenplay was penned by renowned British author Martin Amis, although you certainly wouldn’t pick it.
Saturn 3 Harvey Keitel, Farrah Fawcett, Kirk Douglas
Benson introduces Alex and Adam to Hector
However, for all the dodgy parts of the movie there are elements that are intriguing, even cool. While the opening spacecraft sequence is shamelessly lifted wholesale from Star Wars, the font used for the title which precedes it is way funky. Benson’s approach to the asteroid/moon is B-grade indeed, but the decontamination chamber effect is visually striking. Adam and Alex’s outfits - costumes really - are risible (Farrah’s wardrobe and hair design is lifted straight from the pages of Vogue, yet her character is meant to be entirely naïve), yet Benson’s green spacesuit is very cyber-industrial-chic. The design of Hector, apparently inspired by the drawings of Da Vinci, is creepy and menacing, but unfortunately the “metal” is about as plastic-looking as you can get.
Saturn 3 Harvey Keitel, Farrah Fawcett
Benson instructs Hector to remove a live chip from Alex's eye
There are only three main actors (if you don’t count Douglas Lambert’s token appearance), and the performances are uniformly horrible. Not surprisingly the movie was nominated for three Golden Raspberry awards: Worst Actor (Douglas), Worst Actress (Fawcett) and Worst Movie. Kirk Douglas pulls more ridiculous facial expressions than a clown, Farrah spends more time delivering a wimpy “Uh” or “Oh” rather than her soft-spoken drivel, while Harvey Keitel appears to be sleepwalking, and, very oddly, had his voice re-dubbed by British actor Roy Dotrice. Curiously there is no complete cast list credited at the end of the movie, so Douglas Lambert is never credited, and the poor fool who stumbled around inside Hector was never given due credit.
Saturn 3 Kirk Douglas, Farrah Fawcett, Harvey Keitel
Adam challenges Hector to a game of chess
Saturn 3 Kirk Douglas
Adam gets down and dirty ...
Still, Elmer Bernstein’s score is okay, and hey, you get to see a brief glimpse of Farrah’s lovely naked breast, and then her sumptuous nude body in silhouette (which set my pubescent mind racing when I first saw it)! Mind you, you’re also subjected to 64-year-old Kirk wrestling Harvey buck naked. Yes, Saturn 3 seriously malfunctions, its body dragged around like Achilles did through Troy with the slain body of Hector; Martin Amis throwing a little literary metaphoric weight when he has Adam explain to Alex the connection. The movie was shamelessly trying to capitalise on the horror-sf success of Alien (1979), yet has none of Ridley’s expert command over look, feel, mood, and tone. Some of Hector’s robot moves are impressive executed, and the gore effects, especially the severing of Benson’s hand and Captain James’ demise, are decent, but the rest of the effects are mutton dressed as lamb (crazy to think the movie was released in a 70mm blow-up!)
Saturn 3 Kirk Douglas, Farrah Fawcett
... and Alex is forced to restrain him in her teddy
I think I’ve rambled enough about this piece of space junk. However I only hope one day a special edition gets released with all the deleted scenes, director’s commentary, and Harvey and/or Kirk commentary. It might sound out of place, but the movie deserves better treatment. The DVD I have is a disappointing full-frame, no frills release that has the audacity to put “Screen Classics” on the cover. Bizarre.

Even better; a remake, or should I say re-envisioning, with a bigger cast, and more adult content. I might even start work on a spec screenplay myself!

Here's the original trailer (featuring Farrah in alluring fetish attire, cut from the release):


Saturn 3 French movie poster
Curious French poster

Saturn 3 title credit
Several fonts were used for promotion, but the best was the actual title credit

Saturn 3 tattoo
Alex's ultra-stylish off-world tattoo design

Saturn 3 Farrah Fawcett
Farrah Fawcett R.I.P. 1947 - 2009






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Posted By: Bryn - Category: movie reviews
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18 Comments. [ Add A Comment ]

Comment by Natalina

July 1st 2009 02:46


My Life My Muse
Beta Girl Blog
This looks like just the kind of wacky movie that is so bad...it's fun. I think I own it, I'll have to check. I know I've never watched it. When I worked at the video store, someone brought in a pile of cheesy looking Sci-fi DVDs, and I think this might have been one of them. I bought them all. I'm weird like that.

Farrach Fawcett was beautiful in her prime. But what really sells the film for me is naked Kirk Douglas! Mrrrow!

Comment by Damo

July 1st 2009 04:14
Bryn

You have wasted as much of your youth as I have.
I do remember this movie so well. I came out on VCR but I had not seen it in years.

I wanted to see another space horror but was disappointed in many ways.

It was no Alien but then again it was no Barbarella either. Amusing but not great or very good.

The problem is that things could have been done to make this a much better movie.

A plot with two good people and one bad person gives away the ending before it happens.

The robot looked cool at that time but if it had real human eyes it would have been way cooler.

The cast needed to be bigger. They needed a lot more people to kill and satisfy the fear lust of the audience. Robots stopped being scary in the 1950's. They have to kill something in order to be scary.

Do I hear the word 'remake'?

Waiting to see

Comment by Bryn

July 1st 2009 04:22


Horrorphile
Natalina,
Kirk in the raw does it for you? Eeek! That cleft chin and googly eyes give me the heebie-jeebies! LOL

Damo, my God, you've hit the nail on the head! Saturn 3 needs a re-envisioned remake! And yes, a higher body count! And perhaps genetically-designed eyes housed in little sockets on the end of the swivel-head! You're very right, this is a movie that could've been soooo much better, yet still works on a deep curio level. I wanna do the remake!!!

Comment by Natalina

July 1st 2009 04:31


My Life My Muse
Beta Girl Blog
Hahaha! Oh come on! It's Spartacus!

Truth be told, it's probably not a good sign when seeing that picture of his naked backside made me laugh more than anything else

Comment by Bryn

July 1st 2009 04:48


Horrorphile
Kirk was 44 in Spartacus! There's a big difference!

Comment by Damo

July 1st 2009 05:00
Kirk loved to get his gear off in his sixties for some reason.

Yet he did make some bad movies around that time.

The Fury?

Only Michael Caine has made more bad choices than he has.

Thank you very much Cactus Jack.

Comment by Bryn

July 1st 2009 05:34


Horrorphile
The wrestling scene reminds me of Oliver Reed and Alan Bates in Women in Love. Err.

Ahh, The Fury, one of Brian DePalma's not so finest moments. But with sexy Fiona Lewis.

Michael Caine's career? More riddled than a termite's nest.

Comment by Natalina

July 1st 2009 05:45


My Life My Muse
Beta Girl Blog
Hey...it's better than seeing what he'd look like naked now! Hell, I say if you're in your 60's and feel confident enough to strip, go for it. Now the real question is... what is Harvey wearing in that scene???


Comment by Bryn

July 1st 2009 06:10


Horrorphile
Yes, well, the irony is Harvey, who'll get his gear off for any director, is fully clothed!

It is Kirk's naked-but-no-full-monty-ness, and Farrah's naked right breast that earned the movie an R-rating in the States. Here in Australia the DVD is rated PG! I'd have probably given it an M. I remember in NZ when it came out in 1980 it was a GA (general exhibition but recommended as more suitable for adults). Another bit of censorship trivia for you.

Comment by OnlineWriter

July 2nd 2009 01:42


Online Writing Jobs
Man, I saw that when I was about 5. The face on that robot stuck with me for quite a while. Damn that evil robot lol.

Comment by Bryn

July 2nd 2009 02:07


Horrorphile
When you say "the face on that robot" do you mean the actual robot eyes, or Harvey Keitel's severed head?

Comment by JohnDoe

July 2nd 2009 20:15


Film & TV on DVD
This is one painful film to watch...fun idea but so deeply trash even my tolerance for tragic celluloid missteps saw me judging this one as a teen.

Comment by OnlineWriter

July 2nd 2009 20:47


Online Writing Jobs
Yeah, the head part haha.

Comment by Bryn

July 2nd 2009 23:01


Horrorphile
JD, awwww shucks, not even a guilty err, pleasure? How good would a remake be though! Get Snyder on the case!

Comment by Matt Shea

July 5th 2009 04:57


20/20 Filmsight
Bryn - great, great choice. This movie is truly hilarious.

My favourite bit? The scene where Farah and Kirk are exercising - Farrah with the roly thing and Kirk struggling with the skipping rope - 'IIIIIIII'm Spartacus!' Just the thought of it makes me wet my pants.

Comment by Bryn

July 5th 2009 23:11


Horrorphile
Matt, yeah, but Kirk's daggy tracksuit is even more funny! Farrah's tan leather pants were cool though

Comment by Anonymous

May 30th 2010 20:34
FF was born in '47 not '57. Just thought you should know.

Comment by Bryn

May 30th 2010 23:06


Horrorphile
Anon, thanks for noticing that glaring oversight! I've corrected it now!

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