So what's your horror PITCH?
November 8th 2006 20:14
So, here’s the Rub. Hypothetically speaking, of course, I’ll executive produce your horror movie. Firstly, I’ll throw $500,000 into the production and additionally I’ll cover the fees of a couple of name actors (male or female). Condition is they’ve got to have already been in a horror flick. I don’t want no prissy romantic comedians, you understand?
Secondly, only have a couple of real locations. The rest of the movie has to be filmed on a set, so I don’t want a screenplay with only alfresco locations, you got it? And the locations you do choose can’t involve closing any streets down, no way Jose.
Thirdly, I don’t want no sappy PG-13 tripe. I don’t even want an M-rated flick. I want a flick that kicks ass, you understand? I want no-holds-barred movie that can be trimmed if only absolutely necessary, you got that?
So … gimme your pitch. What’s your story? Normally I’d limit you to 25 words or less, but seein’ as how I like your enthusiasm and ambition, you got 50 words, okay? Pitch me your horror flick in 50 words or less.
If I like it I may give you the green light. If I think it’s a pile of crap, I’ll say so.
Now, hit me. And make it quick, I got a power lunch with Nicolas Winding Refn and Gaspar Noe, brainstorming a high concept about snuff films, organized crime and the obsessive art of revenge.
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Comment by Homer Joyce
Pubic Flayer is the story of a female detective who can enter other people's bodies if she has an article belonging to them (one they have touched), or a piece of their body. She mistakenly enters the body of the male killer she is seeking because she plucks one of his hairs from the pubes of a victim ( and can't get out) ... Or can she? You'll have to watch the film ...
The two locations are the bedroom of the victim, and the killer's dungeon ...
If you only see two films this year ... watch this one twice ...
Homer ...
Comment by Bryn
Horrorphile
it's topical, it's now, but we got a shit load of these kinda forensic/supernatural shows on TV ....
Still, it has an edge. Hirsute, but bristly nevertheless. Potentially could have the audience by the short'n'curlies ... I kinda like it.
I'm thinking maybe a black comedy even .... Real dark. Twisted.
So who's in it?? I need some names. The lady dick and the killer Joe ....
And how does it end?
Comment by Homer Joyce
The reason I’d write one is not to add to the glut of the type on TV, but to write about the supernatural world they never write of, or make a mockery of … So it would be completely different … a different type of fear …
I can’t write anything that doesn’t have an element of black humour in it … so that’s a given …
As to the actors. I don’t know any horror actors. I thought a couple from Neighbours or Home & Away would be good since it’s a horror film … Oh, hang on, you don’t mean horrible actors … Nup, no idea. I never watch horror films … You choose. You’re the bloody producer, and producers always pick someone the writer doesn’t want anyway … (Mulholland Drive: ‘This is the girl.’) …
Homer …
Comment by Bryn
Horrorphile
Forthright man aren't ya.
Righto. The lady dick could be played by Isla Fisher (lovely ex-Home and Away actor who's engaged to Sacha Baron Cohen). She's photogenic, and if she goes out with Ali G/Borat then she must have a good sense of black humour ...
The killer can be played by Eric Bana. He needs to striking, but physically imposing, and he's done Chopper, so he knows a thing or two about carving people up.
Comment by Lilla
Enviro Warrior
An Extra Ordinary Life
Dream Herald
I hope I'm not interrupting anything... I can come back?
Comment by Bryn
Horrorphile
That's quite alright. I'm a multi-taskin' kinda exec. ... I can have several pitches thrown at me at once.
So hit me.
Comment by Lilla
Enviro Warrior
An Extra Ordinary Life
Dream Herald
...but, I did have an idea... but you know my pre-menopausal mind is having another blasted *mm*....
I went to see John Edwards last night and I've forgotten whot I was going to say....Hmmm, what to do....well let you know... it will come back and so will I, when it does....
...trust me it was a good idea... *lol*
sorry...perhaps thats a good horror movie right there, Ha! I don't watch them you know... horror movies I mean, I don't like them... but I did have a good idea for one....*thinking hard*
Lilla....
Comment by Bryn
Horrorphile
Comment by Lilla
Enviro Warrior
An Extra Ordinary Life
Dream Herald
After a really bad job of patchwork quilting 101, he has a momentary lapse of reason and realises that his reputation might be ruined if anyone else sees what he has done to this poor woman… so he keeps her hidden and when further developments reveal she can no longer pee… he continues to mutilate and torture her daily for 10 weeks until she doesn’t know if she will live or die. He keeps her baby and husband away from her by making sure she is always in a room being tortured when her husband calls…
He lets her sit without having a wee for 60 hours and just before she dies, jabs her through the stomach with a metal tube to drain her bladder. There are minute details of exquisite torture in this plot and slowly we learn he is doing it to others as well in what is considered a spooky hospital and the nurses keep mum to keep their jobs… I don’t want to give the ending to this story away … I’ll save the details for the premiere night… but one possible ending is when another doctor finds her under the bed, bleeding, dying and half mad… he helps her out by working with the woman’s husband to free her and she enters a respectable hospital for repair surgery and I’m afraid… maybe not to your tastes… but a happy-enough ending where reconstructive surgery enables her to continue to live a “normal” life….but the ending is negotiable for artistic purposes and she can die if you think it appropriate … which I probably agree with in your line of production... Of course the names of the characters will have to be changed to protect the innocent…
Because I don’t watch horror films I am not sure that this summary does qualify or whether it is classed as Thriller… is there a difference…? If so, can you recommend someone who produces thrilliers whom I can send my pitch to...
Sorry it took so long, Bryn *twitch*
Lilla...
Comment by Bryn
Horrorphile
Period.
And you need to learn about brevity when it comes to pitching an idea! I said 50 words or less.
Your premise sounds like something Japanese director Takashi Miike would make: bodily functions and crazed obsessive torturing .... Suitably perverse.
What's your title? Who are your lead actors? The woman and the doctor ...?
Comment by Lilla
Enviro Warrior
An Extra Ordinary Life
Dream Herald
I have no idea ... you have to get a casting director in for that nonsense, I just write the stuff ... as Homer says, you guys always pick the wrong actors anyway... well, maybe sometimes you get it right... okay a good number of times...*chuckling*
I haven't stalked your post much... (although I am a voter) ... but take it that 'freak' is a compliment .. am honoured...
Hmmm, yes my uni. professor used to always go on about loquaciousness, I just thought he liked the word myself... but he always deducted marks, accusing me of it... does this mean that (a) you don't think it has merit as a good movie and (b) that it's not a thriller, after all...?
Thank you for your time, sir
sincerely,
Lilla...
Comment by Bryn
Horrorphile
I think it has potential as a horror, but a fringe horror (more for the underground circuit - not a bad thing!)
it reads as a horror (all that bodily fluid stuff) ....
And yes, take it as a compliment, you're a freak, welcome to my world ...
btw ... as a director i'd never leave casting to an agent ... they'll ruin it for you!