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"I always do an all-night horror marathon on Saturdays where we start at seven and go until five in the morning." --- Quentin Tarantino ::::::::::: MY CRITERIA FOR DISCUSSION ENCOMPASSES THE HORROR GENRE AND BEYOND, SO I USE THE TERM "NIGHTMARE MOVIES". SPOILERS CAN OCCUR WITH OR WITHOUT WARNING. READ AT YOUR OWN RISK.

OLDE SAINT NICK

December 7th 2007 02:06
Bad Santa
I was mulling over what to write for my blog this morning, clutching my ritualistic latte, slowly awakening from a hot sleep. I was thinking about Christmas, and about all those dreadful Christmas movies that every year there seem to be more of. They’re nearly all comedies aimed at the lowest common denominator, with the odd exception, like say, Bad Santa.

Having reviewed Gremlins (1984) yesterday I was curious about children’s horror movies. The concept is a bit of an anomaly, but I couldn’t help concocting my own vision of one. Something inspired from the likes of Roald Dahl, fused with Stephen King. A short film synopsis began to take shape quickly and succinctly, one that plays with the concept of childhood beliefs and fears, but also ones that adults can relate to. So here it is; my Christmas children’s horror flick.

Olde Saint Nick

Devil's horns illusion
It’s Christmas Eve. Young Nicholas is on his way home finishing up his paper route. He has a Father Christmas hat on. He’s a conscientious young boy, aged 9. In front of Mr. Bourdain’s, rather than flinging the newspapers across the lawn, he stops and delivers the newspaper directly to the elderly gentleman seated on the porch. Mr. Bourdain thanks Nicholas telling him he is a good sort.

Further down the street and Nicholas is confronted by the neighbourhood bullies. They push him off his bike and tease and taunt him telling him he’s a stupid idiot to believe in Santa Claus. They steal his last newspapers and run off.

At dinner Nicholas’s parents remind him that providing he’s been a good boy Santa Claus will reward him with lots of goodies inside his Christmas stocking. His older teenaged sister teases him, “Are you sure you’ve been a good boy? I’m not so sure …” she says. “What about you? Have you been good?” Nicholas replies, “I saw you with that boy, you let him put his hand underneath your skirt.” His sister glares at him furiously. The parents roll their eyes.

“I’ve already got my Christmas present!” Nicholas’s sister scoffs, holding up a pendant which hangs from her neck, “He loves me, so there!” Nicholas’s father looks at his watch, “Time for bed Nick, big day tomorrow.”

Christmas stockings
That night Nicholas lies awake in his bed. He can’t seem to fall asleep. He turns to one side, then the other. He hears what sounds like his parents giggling, making funny noises from the living room. He gets up and quietly treads down the hallway to investigate. Peering around the living room door he’s shocked to see his mother stuffing presents into his Christmas stocking, while his father takes bites out of the Christmas cake and pockets the carrots which are near the fireplace to make it look like Santa Claus has been.

Nicholas is dismayed. He quickly retreats back down the corridor and into his bedroom. Once again he tries to fall asleep. This time he does. Strange otherworldly sounds awaken him. He looks at his clock, it’s after 3am. He can hear the oddest sound: human voices muffled, crying out perhaps, and the sound of a something being dragged along the floor. It’s all very surreal.

Nicholas gets up and ventures out into the hallway. He peers into his sister’s open bedroom, but she’s not in her bed, and the sheets are on the floor. He moves down the corridor and peers into his parents’ room. They’re not in their bed either, the sheets have been pulled right back. Nicholas is uneasy. He hears the soft scraping sound again, coming from the living room.

Fireplace
As he peers around the living room door he sees an alarming sight: his sister’s body being yanked up the fireplace chimney, her voice a muffled scream. Nicholas panics and runs to the front door. Outside he sprints to the front gate so he can look up at the roof and chimney. It is there that he witnesses something truly frightening: silhouetted against the moon a tall skeletal figure with a large skull like head emerges from the chimney. It is dragging something up behind it; three bodies! It’s Nicholas’s parents and his sister! They’re bound and gagged. Off to the side near the edge of the roof is a huge dark sleigh made of bones.

The skeletal figure pulls open a huge black sack. Then to Nicholas’s terrified astonishment the dark human-skeleton uses it’s enormous claw-like hands to squash and compound the three bodies into one bulging mass which it then stuffs into the black sack. Nicholas gasps in horror.

The dark figure then glances down and stares at Nicholas who is frozen in fear. It’s beady demonic eyes burn a fiery red, and its huge mouth full of jagged fangs forms into a nightmarish grin. Nicholas is too petrified to move. The demon figure throws a stocking down which lands at Nicholas’s feet, then it throws the huge black sack onto the back of the sleigh, and with a blood-curdling cackle it grabs the sleigh’s handlebars launching it up off the roof and up into the night sky.

Nicholas gingerly picks up the stocking and opens it, something catches the moonlight and glints. He pulls out the objects inside: his mother’s bracelet, his father’s watch, and his sister’s pendant. Tears roll down his cheeks.


There you go. Nice little twilight zone tale of diabolical terror. Demon Santa steals your family, and leaves you a few Christmas souvenirs.

I’m descending deep into the Darkness on the weekend and won’t surface again until the end of next week. So don’t stray too far … I will be back, with bells on.


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Comments
10 Comments. [ Add A Comment ]

Comment by Michaelie

December 7th 2007 04:24
Christ, I'm glad you weren't providing my viewing entertainment as a kid - I would have been scarred (and scared) for life!

Michaelie

Comment by Bryn

December 7th 2007 04:47
I'll take that as a compliment then Michaelie ...

Comment by Damo

December 7th 2007 04:47
You are sick little puupy Bryne

but
One year I told my kids that I killed Santa and buried him in the garden.



Comment by Anonymous

December 7th 2007 06:46
Pardon me but are you the little sh***** that piddled on my knee and told me that I'm a c***** for giving you a scooter instead of a Fatboy Harley, many years back?

If so boy, are you in for a shock if you go to sleep Christmas Eve - never know what you wake up without!

HoHoHoHo bloody Ho


The Jazzman : > (

Comment by Bryn

December 8th 2007 06:41
Damo, woof woof woof!

Jazzman, I think you're mistaken ... I never call assholes cunts.

Comment by Anonymous

December 9th 2007 10:05
Guess What?

You Dipped out

US SANTAS ARE HAVING
OUR STRIKE THIS YEAR

So Wish In One Hand & Spit In The Other


jazza

Comment by Bryn

December 9th 2007 23:25
jazza,
all's fair in love and war ...
when you find enough energy to lift your obese belly off the santa sofa and actually manage to squeeze into your sleigh, and manage to contort yourself successfully down the first chimney of the season, may you slip and break your neck and die a slow sooty death ...

Comment by Anonymous

December 10th 2007 01:36
And Merry Xmas to you and I hope my friend Jack Frost stick his largest stalactite in that ample orifice of yours and freezes all it touches

HOHOHOHO 2U


Comment by KylieW

December 12th 2007 06:39
Okay, that would have scared the shit out of me!! I like it a lot.

Enjoy your time away

Comment by Bryn

December 14th 2007 01:37
Kylie, cooool, thanks! Yeah, I really like it myself actually. I'm thinking of developing it.

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