Inseminoid

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Inseminoid

September 10th 2008 02:24

Ahhh, those were the nights. The Sunday double features back in my home town, Wellington, New Zealand at the Plaza cinema theatre on Manners Street. I was around fourteen or fifteen. Lying at the box office that I was sixteen (as you do) to watch shlocky horror movies back to back. As close to the American grindhouse experience as New Zealand got I’m sure.

I saw numerous “cult classic” movies around that time like Scanners (1981), Dead & Buried (1981), Blood Beach (1981), Galaxy of Terror (1981), The Beast Within (1982) … and Inseminoid (1981). They don’t make ‘em like that any more. One can argue, thank God for that! But the dirty romantic in me loves to indulge in them every now and again. There’s something intrinsically captivating about those deep trash movies, a certain joie de vie – or should that be joie de morte - about them that movies after the early 80s don’t possess.

Sandy (Judy Geeson) and the cosmic evil stare

Inseminoid is a shameless cash-in on the whole Alien (1979) concept; nasty alien creature “impregnates” a space archeologist and ultimately causes utter chaos within the confines of the spacecraft, or in this case research station. However the director claims the writers hadn’t seen Alien, as the movie hadn’t been released in the UK when they wrote it. Nick Malley and his wife Gloria wrote a spec script called Doom Seeds and it found its way into Brit exploitation director Norman J. Warren's hands. He liked the story, found some US financing and had the movie produced for under a million pounds. And, it looks it.

Stephanie Beacham as Kate

Judy Geeson claims she didn't do any nudity ...

It was always going to be a tacky endeavour, but to be fair Inseminoid does rise above a lot of the galactic flotsam and jetsam, simply for its chutzpah, a take no prisoners, hysterical approach. It’s the classic tale of an evil alien spawn turning a nice young woman into a crazed, violent, flesh-tearing, bloodsucking freakazoid. And much carnage ensues.

The infamous alien impregnation tube

I honestly can’t remember what I thought of this movie when I first saw it some twenty-five odd years ago. I remember thinking it was definitely “adult”, with the nudity (curiously, there's a DVD interview with a 50plus-yr-old Judy Geeson who claims she would never have done any nudity) and the alien sleaze factor, but surely I must have acknowledged how utterly schlocky the whole movie was. Perhaps I was riding high on the whole sneaking into a movie I’m not allowed to see premise and couldn’t see the wood for the trees.

Sandy in alien possession mode

It doesn’t really matter. Watching the movie on DVD all these years later I enjoyed a strangely perverse thrill. ‘Tis funny but I remembered Judy Geeson looking a lot younger, and I had completely forgot about sexy Stephanie Beacham. The cinematography; all those vivid red and blue filters looks groovy (I noticed Mike Leigh DOP regular Dick Pope was the camera operator). Some of the production design is uncannily similar to Alien, while most looks plain silly. As for the space costumes - credited to someone called Olinkha – which include the motorcycle helmuts with painted “teeth” worn by the Rescue Team, are embarrassingly bad.

Yum, yum, human entrails for breakfast

The special effects make-up is barely adequate for a movie that demands so much of it, and considering the screenplay was co-written by the movie’s special effects make-up creator and supervisor you’d think he’d have penned something he could realise convincingly. The alien creatures themselves, squashed Invaders From Mars slit-eyed lizardy things, are both effectively grotesque and unintentionally silly. However the absurd icing on the cake in the movie is when one of the team is shown cradling the alien twins as though they are just two cute little babies after their rampaging alien-possessed mother has killed and mutilated most of the research team. Yeah, that’s definitely one for the hall of horror sillyisms fame. Bob Keen, who’d go on to do the memorable work for Hellraiser (1987), worked as a SFX assistant.

Inseminoid Jennifer Ashley, Stephanie Beacham and Robin Clarke

Dead Holly (Jennifer Ashley), Kate and Mark (Robin Clarke)

There’s a line of dialogue that sums up the unintentional risibility of the screenplay (and general stupidity of the characters); when team members are discussing what on earth to do with a deranged and dangerous Sandy on the loose; “Well, that’ll look good on the report: the team were terrorized by an expectant mother!”

The electronic score works in places though, and there’s a neat theme piece over the end credits. The location shooting in famously creepy Chislehurst Caves near Kent adds to the atmosphere (apparently planet exteriors were shot on the Maltese isle of Gozo to guarantee good weather), but to be blunt, the trippy opening visual effects sequence is the movie’s best looking moment.

Alien baby poses with Sharon (Heather Wright)

Inseminoid is one of those so bad but wants to be taken seriously movies; deep trash lying in the gutter starring at the stars? Known in the US in a cut version as Horror Planet, it makes Alien look like a work of art, which, quite frankly it is. But sometimes it’s those horrendous, dodgy-as-all-hell, dreadful off-cuts that tickle your fancy for a brief flashing moment. And it has to be said, Judy Geeson's blood-curdling screams as she gives birth are among modern horror's more chilling moments.

This is the NZ poster I would've seen back in the day

Here's the original trailer:

Here's an early Roadshow VHS trailer (which brings back additional) memories:

Here's a clip with a possessed Sandy for those keen for a little more in detail:

Inseminoid DVD is courtesy of Umbrella Entertainment, many thanks!

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Posted By: Bryn - Category: movie reviews

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Comments

8 Comments. [ Add A Comment ]

Comment by Bryn

September 10th 2008 06:01

Horrorphile

Captain,
yeah it's a gem alright (although bears little with the movie), they don't make 'em like that any more. You should check out some of my poster galleries! Check the categories on the upper left of my blog.

Comment by Cibbuano

September 10th 2008 23:12

Hunt Famous
Orble Post of the Day
Fat Cult
Techbreak

god, these Umbrella reviews are good...

I come to Horrorphile for the cheesecake, but I stay for the schlocky horror!

!

Comment by JohnDoe

September 11th 2008 01:48

Film & TV on DVD

Hi Bryn,

Im not sure if I have seen this film or not, from teh review it sounds very familiar. problem is there were so many Z grade Alien rip offs going around back then they muddle into one.

I still think XTRO is a golden trash version of Alien though.

Comment by Bryn

September 11th 2008 02:22

Horrorphile

Cibby, I'm not sure if

I come to Horrorphile for the cheesecake, but I stay for the schlocky horror!

is a compliment or not! LOL

I'd hate to think you only visit my blog for the cheese ... I try and deliver more meat than cheese ... still as you know I'm partial to the fromage ...

JD, yeah Xtro was a guilty pleasure! But I wouldn't really say it was a rip-off of Alien in the way that Inseminoid is ... It's much more original than that.

Comment by Damo

September 11th 2008 09:07

I am still wandering why people have such fond memories of the eighties.

This film...I mean wow.. I remember the ads.

What a cracker.

Comment by Cibbuano

September 12th 2008 00:28

Hunt Famous
Orble Post of the Day
Fat Cult
Techbreak

I was just being cheeky. But I definitely enjoy reading the reviews of odd, schlocky horror, especially movies that I've never heard of.

I've got a rancid review for this Friday, I'll finish it tonight. Also in the same awful vein.

I don't know why these awful horror movies entertain me so much... I think I'm fascinated with the idea of making a movie with little mainstream appeal, but would be wild fun to make...