Immortals

Horrorphile

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Immortals

November 11th 2011 02:30

From the same producers as 300 (2007) comes another spectacle piece of unashamed supertrash, drenched in computer-generated imagery, saturated in histrionics, soaked in pretentiousness, and undeniably entertaining on that so-bad-it’s-good level. Yes, this will most definitely feature on many critics’ guilty pleasures lists, whilst adolescents will froth over its awesomeness, and cynics will spit nails of vitriol. My brother and I chortled and sniggered like mischievous boys as we watched this overblown, overwrought, overproduced, over-the-top vision of Greek mythology re-booted. Immortals (2011) has to be seen to be (un)believed.

Henry Cavill as Theseus

Director Tarsem Singh, the man who gave us the nightmare thriller The Cell (2000), tackles a risible screenplay from two Greek brothers, Charles and Vlas Parlapanides, who have thrown numerous Classical elements into the myth cauldron and stirred them up. Immortals is the story of Theseus (Henry Cavill) and his fight against the evil King Hyperion (Mickey Rourke) under the prompting of Zeus (Luke Evans). Hyperion is hunting ruthlessly for the Epirus Bow, the most powerful weapon ever made. And he’s not averse to freeing the incarcerated Titans who had battled in the heavens with the Gods but were cast asunder.

Mickey Rourke as Hyperion

Can Theseus save humanity? With a little help from High Priestess Phaedra (Freida Pinto), mercenaries Stavros (Stephen Dorff) and Dareios (Alan Van Sprang), and the odd whisper of encouragment from his mentor, a wrinkly old man (John Hurt) hiding a most potent alias, perhaps he might? But he’ll probably need the interference of the Gods as well, I mean he’s got the demi-blood coursing through his veins, even if he is bound on terra firma.

Athena (Isabel Lucas) and Theseus look on as Zeus (Luke Evans) lets his fury get away with him

As I mentioned, I was laughing throughout Immortals, and expecting at any moment the people in front or behind me to berate me for being inappropriate. “But it’s a divine comedy!” I heard myself guffaw, knowing full well the movie has not been intended to make people laugh.

Freida Pinto as Phaedra

Immortals sports some of the most ill conceived casting I’ve seen in ages, some of the worse dialogue I’ve heard in a while, and some of the most spectacular choreographed violence since … well, 300. Make no mistake Immortals is hyper-violent, but most of it is so stylized that it becomes cartoonish. In fact all the graphic gore has been computer-generated and much of it is filmed in slow motion to further distance the realism from the audience. However, one gore sequence is worth the price of admission, when Aries (Daniel Sharman) gets trigger-happy with his golden war-hammer and obliterates several of Hyperion’s warriors’ heads. It’s a contender for Scene of the Year! Ha!

Hyperion's army prepares to storm

So why is it such an unintentionally hilarious movie? Amongst other things, Mickey Rourke dons the silliest helmet (a custom crab claw) since … forever. Frieda Pinto plays an immaculate oracle that simply can’t help but drop her robes – filling the screen with a pair of sumptuous bared buttocks - to make the beast with two backs with chisel-jawed Theseus (there’s Acamus to be conceived, of course). Stephen Dorff struts around with a six-pack one could bench-press off wishing he were a least a foot taller so he could look like a real Greek hero. Stephen McHattie is woefully wasted in a bit part, while Aussie soap star Isabel Lucas plays lithe Athena, and yet Henry Cavill sounds as if he slips dangerously close into an Australian accent on occasion (?!), while everyone else dons with American or English accents. Not a Greek word to be heard. But did we expect anything less?

The Theseus mythology wouldn't be complete without the maze and the minotaur

The production design is stunning, and Eiko Ishioka’s costuming, especially for the enemy, is impressive. The colour palette of the cinematography is a sumptuous dark hue, the score bellows like a formidable foghorn. But despite the expense, there is a distinctly cheap look to much of the props; all the handheld weaponry looks as convincing as a pantomime production, regardless of the Foley sound effects added.

And, the whole thing looks like a video game.

Frieze! There's a battle in heaven!

But as much as is wrong with Immortals I’ll probably have to make a special place for it amongst my movies of the year, simply because of its deep trash appeal. It’s 300 meets Troy meets Sinbad meets Flash Gordon. It’s the most camp, most bad fun you’ll have in 3 Dimensions!

Here’s the trailer:

Here’s a (video game) clip:

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Posted By: Bryn - Category: movie reviews

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Comments

2 Comments. [ Add A Comment ]

Comment by David O'Connell

November 11th 2011 03:41

20/20 Filmsight
Screen Fanatic

Glad to were able to derive some guilty pleasure from this one mate - something that couldn't be said about the Conan remake and other films of this ilk which I can barely stomach the thought of watching most of the time. You took one for the team here!

Comment by Bryn

November 11th 2011 05:35

Horrorphile

Don't worry, I feel mighty guilty, but I had a perverse grin on my face when I walked out of the cinema ... And it was much more enjoyable than Prince of fucking Persia. But yes, I took one for the team.
I haven't yet seen the Conan remake.

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