Halloween II (2009)

Horrorphile

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Halloween II (2009)

April 7th 2010 23:51

Dreadful, dreadful, dreadful! Rob Zombie must be stopped! He is a hack masquerading as a filmmaker; each feature getting progressively worse. House of 1000 Corpses (2003) is the only movie with a shred of appeal, and yet it shamelessly derives its atmosphere and intent from The Texas Chain Saw Massacre (1974). But enough of Zombie’s early transgressions, we’re talking here about his latest travesty; the continuing shambolic attempt at re-envisioning the mythology of Michael Myers, the brilliantly nightmarish boogeyman created by John Carpenter and unleashed back in 1978.

Tyler Mane behind the mask of Michael Myers

Taylor Scout-Compton as Laurie

Zombie’s Halloween II (2009) bears very little semblance to the original sequel, Halloween II (1981), which, although penned by Carpenter and Debra Hill, was directed by Rick Rosenthal. Rosenthal’s movie is flawed, but comes off as a far superior movie to Zombie’s obnoxious little turd of a flick. One of the reasons why it stinks so much is its pretensions, its onerous self-importance, its lack of a consistent style, as well as being devoid of any subtlety of humour. I’m not referring to comedy per se, but humour, an altogether important, but delicate element in horror.

Halloween II 2009 Chase Malcolm McDowell and Chase Wright Vanek

Dr. Loomis (Malcolm McDowell) in front of young Michael (Chase Wright Vanek)

Halloween II is laden with dodgy acting and utterly unlikeable characters. Scout-Taylor Compton fails miserably in capturing any of Jamie Lee Curtis’s empathy as Laurie Strode; coming across as a foul-mouthed, whining misfit. Malcolm McDowell’s version of Dr. Loomis is simply appalling. Donald Pleasence would be turning in his grave if he could see the arrogant fuckwit quack McDowell has turned him into. “I’m not a psychic Sherlock Holmes playing Superman!”, “I’m selling the sizzle, not the steak!” God help us, the dialogue in this movie is drivel.

Brad Dourif as Sheriff Brackett

Tyler Mane plays the seven-foot tall behemoth that is Zombie’s Michael Myers, yet possesses absolute zero genuine menace. Michael shuffles around killing whoever crosses his path and at one point scoffs down a large dog (?!) Some of the victims he dispatches quickly, while others he throws around like a rag doll and then takes the time to display them for the next victim to find as a kind of stupid serial killer game. There’s no internal logic in this movie. As I stated in my review to Zombie’s Halloween (2007), the director has destroyed all sense of mystery, that all-pervasive atmosphere of dread and shrouded nightmare fabric that makes Carpenter’s original version (and to a lesser degree Rosenthal’s original sequel) so effective and memorable. Chase Wright Vanek as the young Myers is not even worth discussing.

Sheri Moon Zombie as Deborah Myers

Woe betides Sheri Moon Zombie’s portrayal of Myers’ mother Deborah, a character created entirely by Zombie in the first movie and now elevated to the level of dark guardian angel. Zombie’s wife couldn’t act her way out of a barf bag if she tried. The entire sub-plot of Michael’s reunion with his sister Angel Myers aka Laurie, via their dead mother, is nothing short of ludicrous. The all-important score does nothing remotely interesting - its rendition of Carpenter’s brilliant original theme is particularly grating - ‘cept for the brief scene where Sheriff Brackett (Brad Dourif slumming it) finds his daughter Annie (Danielle Harris) and it momentarily rises toward something ethereal. But as for that finale and epilogue sequence? Love Hurts, a white horse lead by ghostly mama, a daughter’s sequel smirk … oh, the humanity!

The set-up for Halloween III ...

Okay enough is enough, I’ve had my spout (although methinks there was a perverse enjoyment in this rant). Apart from the distraction of tattooed fox Angela Tribur as Harley, and a half-decent head-stomping, Halloween II is deep-fried, Southern-flavoured, mean-spirited trash that deserves to be flushed and forgotten. Period.

A gruesome bit of goodness not seen in the movie

Here's the trailer:

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Posted By: Bryn - Category: movie reviews

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Comments

12 Comments. [ Add A Comment ]

Comment by ShaunK

April 8th 2010 00:46

Screen Adventure

Yes yes - JD warned me about the last Zombie's film - it would appear he's no better at film making than he was at music.

Loved the original Carpenter and Rosenthal ones - I'll make sure I stay away from this

Comment by themetalhead

April 8th 2010 00:53

this movie is funny as hell even funnier than plan 9 from outer space

He literaly tears apart a dog with his barehands, and eats it raw
how is that not the stupidest thing you have ever seen that is so bad its funny

NOTE: ( he might have used his knife I remember him ripping it apart)

Did Rob Zombie try to make this like Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2? And Failed

he just a direct to dvd level director that got money to bring his garbage to theaters because of his music career

Comment by Bryn

April 8th 2010 02:29

Horrorphile

metalhead, exactly! If he hadn't had the half-successful music career he wouldn't have got his movies green-lit I'm sure.
I don't think he was intending to make a black comedy here, like Hooper was with TCM2, if he was he not only missed the boat, he plain missed the damn jetty too!
I suppose what particularly annoys me is his misconception on what actually works in a horror movie and what doesn't. He employs brutal violence, but it doesn't work effectively, only gratuitously and garishly. He fills his movies with some of the most loathsome, pathetic and annoying characters ever to appear in a horror movie, and then he has the gall to mouth off in interviews about his love for the genre and the classics and how he's slipping in references and tributes and homages to all the great directors ... Let's face it, he pushes my buttons, but for all the wrong reasons. But as I mentioned at the end of my review, I kinda dig spading him out.

Comment by Anonymous

April 8th 2010 07:33

yes i agree with ye , i only done a blog a few weeks back on how most of these horror remakes are utterly shite , it seems there's no effort put in to them anymore, hollywood has lost its balls?

Comment by David O'Connell

April 8th 2010 12:09

20/20 Filmsight
Screen Fanatic

Hate to reinforce all the negativity but have to concur with you Bryn and everyone else - Zombie has got to be the biggest no-talent hack son of a bitch to ever be given a green light in Hollywood or anywhere else - like the swampland he most likely calls home for example...................... ..........Damn Bryn, you're right - that feels good!!

Comment by The Master

April 8th 2010 20:57

Honestly I can say this is one of the times that you and I are in sync 140%, I mean nothing in these movies makes sense, how the Hell is Michael and his sister psychically intuned I mean they're not even twins and even then a Twin psychic link is pretty weak. Then her seeing they're mother too? So it's not a delusion it's a spiritual thing? And if Michael is dead then who will replace him in the future when he goes after Angel? And how the fuck can Angel be the new Michael Meyers that makes absolutely no sense what so ever!

Comment by The Master

April 8th 2010 21:01

Then Angel Meyers always whining and complaining "I'm, I'm Michael Meyer's sister!" Oh STFU!!!!

I was begging for Meyers to just hit her over the head with a shovel already just to shut her up

Comment by Bryn

April 8th 2010 23:05

Horrorphile

Gentlemen, I rest my case. Thanks for the support.

Comment by JohnDoe

April 8th 2010 23:18

Film & TV on DVD

Hi Bryn,

You know I dig on Rob Zombie's Devil's Rejects pretty hard, so I have hope...but what he did to Halloween was just wrong, this second one even worse. What I'm saying is I endorse this review

Comment by Bryn

April 8th 2010 23:24

Horrorphile

JD, yes, I know you dig DR (shame on you) ... Next we'll have to endure Zombie's The Blob, and by the looks of this, Halloween III (with Angel Myers taking the baton).

Comment by Someone

May 2nd 2010 11:44

Evil Pleasures
Random Musings on Life, Love and Everything
Let's Get Down To Business

I enjoyed this when I watched it the first time!

However, I was off my face, fell asleep, and only woke up during the loud (violent) bits.

Tried watching it again the other day, stone cold sober... gritted my teeth and struggled to watch the whole thing. Just... awful.