Celebrity SLAUGHTER!
October 20th 2006 02:46
Have you had the itch to make your own horror flick? Y’know that annoying scab you wanna pick? Well, now’s your opportunity. I’ve concocted a production line – a kind of equation – that enables you to choose the variables within a horror movie scenario and then describe the horrific climax. Best of all, you get to choose which celebrities get offed, and just how nastily.
Simply select from the multiple choice options, steadily building your production equation, then you provide a short paragraph, and finally an epilogue.
1. The Pretty Dumb Victims (select 3)
a) Lindsay Lohan
b) Hugh Grant
c) Angelina Jolie
d) Vince Vaughn
e) Paris Hilton
f) Sarah Michelle Gellar
g) Johnny Knoxville
h) Nicole Kidman
i) Russell Crowe
j) Other (please name)
2. The Final Girl
a) Eliza Dushku
b) Rose Byrne
c) Asia Argento
d) Parker Posey
e) Noami Watts
f) Tyra Banks
g) Other (please name)
3. The Deadly Menace
a) A powerful vampire and its children of the night
b) A pack of werewolves
c) A horde of flesh-eating zombies
d) Jason Voorhees and Michael Myers
e) Freddy Krueger and a couple of Hellraisin' cenobites
f) A huge ferocious xenomorphic alien beast
g) A coven of witches
4. The Creepy Location
a) A derelict house at the end of a lonely street
b) A huge Gothic castle
c) An abandoned freezing works
d) A log cabin in the middle of the woods
e) A haunted mansion
f) An Art Deco cinema or opera house
g) The backstreets of a small country hick town
5. The Manipulative Soundtrack
a) Cheesy 80s pop
b) Classic rock’n’roll
c) Minimal and moody electronica
d) Dirty funk
e) Pulsating techno
f) Pounding heavy metal
g) No music whatsoever, just natural noises
6. The Production Values/Directing Technique
a) Super-slick, big-budget, commercial Jerry Bruckheimer style
b) Elegant, unassuming, almost conventional
c) Low-budget, DIY with urgent handheld camerawork, real locations and props
d) Fast fancy editing, lurid colours, very MTV-style
e) Surreal, grotesque, Expressionistic Dario Argento-esque design
f) Big budget, but with really cheesy, fake-looking props and SFX
g) No budget, grainy, grimy, dodgy snuff film look and feel
7. All your chosen characters have ended up at your chosen location. Describe the carnage (in 50 words or less)
8. Epilogue
Will anyone survive (and what will be left of them?). Did your Final Girl make it?? Will there be a sequel ...?
See how easy that was? Who needs a million bucks? Celebrity Slaughter! … Murders of the Rich & Famous!
* the images on this page were taken from the following wikipedia pages:
Lindsay Lohan (promotional shot), Johnny Knoxville (promotional shot), Eliza Dushku (Buffy the Vampire Slayer, screen shot), Asia Argento (Land of the Dead, screen shot)
They are licensed from the GNU Free Document License
Eliza Dushku image is Copyright © The WB Television Network, 20th Century Fox, and Mutant Enemy
Simply select from the multiple choice options, steadily building your production equation, then you provide a short paragraph, and finally an epilogue.
1. The Pretty Dumb Victims (select 3)
a) Lindsay Lohan
b) Hugh Grant
c) Angelina Jolie
d) Vince Vaughn
e) Paris Hilton
f) Sarah Michelle Gellar
g) Johnny Knoxville
h) Nicole Kidman
i) Russell Crowe
j) Other (please name)
2. The Final Girl
a) Eliza Dushku
b) Rose Byrne
c) Asia Argento
d) Parker Posey
e) Noami Watts
f) Tyra Banks
g) Other (please name)
3. The Deadly Menace
a) A powerful vampire and its children of the night
b) A pack of werewolves
c) A horde of flesh-eating zombies
d) Jason Voorhees and Michael Myers
e) Freddy Krueger and a couple of Hellraisin' cenobites
f) A huge ferocious xenomorphic alien beast
g) A coven of witches
4. The Creepy Location
a) A derelict house at the end of a lonely street
b) A huge Gothic castle
c) An abandoned freezing works
d) A log cabin in the middle of the woods
e) A haunted mansion
f) An Art Deco cinema or opera house
g) The backstreets of a small country hick town
5. The Manipulative Soundtrack
a) Cheesy 80s pop
b) Classic rock’n’roll
c) Minimal and moody electronica
d) Dirty funk
e) Pulsating techno
f) Pounding heavy metal
g) No music whatsoever, just natural noises
6. The Production Values/Directing Technique
a) Super-slick, big-budget, commercial Jerry Bruckheimer style
b) Elegant, unassuming, almost conventional
c) Low-budget, DIY with urgent handheld camerawork, real locations and props
d) Fast fancy editing, lurid colours, very MTV-style
e) Surreal, grotesque, Expressionistic Dario Argento-esque design
f) Big budget, but with really cheesy, fake-looking props and SFX
g) No budget, grainy, grimy, dodgy snuff film look and feel
7. All your chosen characters have ended up at your chosen location. Describe the carnage (in 50 words or less)
8. Epilogue
Will anyone survive (and what will be left of them?). Did your Final Girl make it?? Will there be a sequel ...?
See how easy that was? Who needs a million bucks? Celebrity Slaughter! … Murders of the Rich & Famous!
* the images on this page were taken from the following wikipedia pages:
Lindsay Lohan (promotional shot), Johnny Knoxville (promotional shot), Eliza Dushku (Buffy the Vampire Slayer, screen shot), Asia Argento (Land of the Dead, screen shot)
They are licensed from the GNU Free Document License
Eliza Dushku image is Copyright © The WB Television Network, 20th Century Fox, and Mutant Enemy
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Comment by Cibbuano
20/20 Filmsight
Science News
Hunt Famous
Orble Post of the Day
Fat Cult
Techbreak
I wouldn't kill any of those obnoxious stars, since it would involve paying them and dealing with their nonsense.
I'd cast Asia Argento, though... what a bloodline!
Comment by Bryn
Horrorphile
Have you seen her flick Scarlet Diva?
Comment by Sisi
2. Parker Posey
3. A huge ferocious xenomorphic alien beast
4. A derelict house at the end of a lonely street
5. Minimal and moody electronica
6. Elegant, unassuming, almost conventional
7. I don't know what the storyline would be but it would involve Sarah Michelle Gellar in bondage and leather (to satisfy the boys), Vince Vaughn in rags (because he's a dirty, dirty man), Johnny Knoxville in a black Matrix-style trench (I truly believe he's Neo underneath it all), Parker Posey in a gas mask (someone has to be wearing a gas mask in my horror movie), the alien would have fangs, the house would have Indiana Jones-style booby traps (yes that means a massive rolling boulder), and all the fake blood would be in the form of berry juice! Yum
8. Only Johnny Knoxville will survive because he's Neo. Parker Posey won't make it, but I'm not creative enough to think of a clever death for her. There'll be no sequel...nothing beats the original.
Comment by Bryn
Horrorphile
I hope you've set the standard!
Plot wasn't necessary, you've done just fine!
I realised I should've added a "giving your horror movie a title" option .... so what would yours be? Hell for Leather perhaps? Or maybe Booby-Trapped?
BTW you should go see the excellent Dead Man's Shoes (main character wears a gas mask!!!)
Comment by Sisi
P.S. I can't handle horror movies but I'll try to stomach Dead Man's Shoes just for you Bryn
Comment by Bryn
Horrorphile
Comment by The Voices in my Head
The Voices in my Head
2. Angelina Jolie
3. A coven of witches
4. Gothic castle
5. Evanescence, recorded prior to the introduction of Lithium into Amy's system mixed with a hellacious bad day-(the love of her life cheated on her and she has PMS and can't find the Midol.)
6. No budget
Angelina is the last girl standing...there is blood dripping from a long serrated knife she is holding in her left hand...which she licks the blood off of as the ending shot...
Wait...is that Angelina?!?!
Or...
is that Angelina's body with the angry spirit of Janis Joplin hidden inside coming back to avenge all the bad music released between the three victims??? *gasp*
*smile*
Voices~
Comment by Bryn
Horrorphile
Do you have a name for your flick?
I like the fact you have Angelina with a knife cos apparently she has a festish for them.
Is Angelina the head witch perhaps ...??
Comment by The Voices in my Head
The Voices in my Head
I have just added a new image to the ending shot...
The nude bodies -(just for you, Bryn and Cibby) -of all three girls are lying at the bottom of the stair case that they tried to run up..*rolling my eyes* and their throats are horribly shredded...the camera pans to Angelina with the knife...and past...through a doorway...where the vocal cords of all three girls are freshly hung on a line with the vocal cords of of Milli Vinilli (sp), Courtney Love, Nelly Fertada, Billy Ray Cyrus and Kenye West...the camera zooms in on the growing puddle of blood beneath them...and fades to black.
I would call it, "All the Pretty Voices..."
*smiling* I could get into this...
Voices~
Comment by The Voices in my Head
The Voices in my Head
Comment by Bryn
Horrorphile
Perhaps just to be perverse, there's NO soundtrack whatsoever ... You expect one, but there isn't .... just ghostly voices whispering (suspira .... ) in the background ....
Comment by Bryn
Horrorphile