Catacombs
May 1st 2008 01:10
Last July I featured a few upcoming titles I thought looked promising; Bug, Fido, Skinwalkers, Catacombs, Rogue. Well, I got about half right. Rogue was excellent, Bug was good, Fido was okay, Skinwalkers was poor, and last night I watched Catacombs: dreadful.
Just like the cover of a book or the artwork on a record or CD, you can be seduced by the title, the graphic design, the cosmetics. But low and behold once you get into the actual content, you can be very much mistaken. The five movies I mentioned above all had impressive poster designs and intriguing premises. The same goes for the fifteen movies I’ve brought to your attention over the last couple of posts, so I suppose seven or so might actually be worth forking out your hard-earned dollars for.
From the producers of Saw (I should’ve baulked when I saw that statement glaring at me from the top of the DVD cover) Catacombs (2007) tells the incredibly vacuous “tale” of Victoria (Shannyn Sossamon), a naïve American girl who is invited to join her sister Carolyn (Alecia Moore aka Pink, who looks nothing like Shannyn) in Paris for some serious partying. Victoria has never left Baltimore, but the postcard of the City of Light looks alluring so she jumps on a plane.
Once in gay Paree, after a hassle from patronising customs officials (a sly, but tenuous dig at how the French don’t like anyone who can’t speak Francais), Victoria is met by boisterous Carolyn and whisked off on a shopping spree. Then as night descends and they’ve got their rave threads on it’s off to the front of a long queue and into the arms of a large bouncer who ushers them down into the notorious Parisian catacombs toward a subterranean dance party.
It is down here that we’ll spend the duration of the movie; the remaining hour or more. The girls arrive at their destination, apparently 100 feet below the surface (although it never feels like they descended anywhere near that depth) lies 200-odd miles of limestone tunnels lined with the skeletal remains of around 7 million Parisians who were exhumed from their original resting places 400 years ago because Paris was overcrowded with the dead. The skeletons were then relocated underground and, with the help of local artistes, creatively cemented into the walls, ceilings and wherever there was room.
Fascinating stuff, unfortunately when I was recently in Paris on my honeymoon the damn catacombs were closed for maintenance! I was gutted. Oh well, next time.
It’s a real pity writer/directors Tomm Coker & David Elliot couldn’t come up with a more interesting, compelling, effective, powerful movie then. Setting a movie in the Paris catacombs is a great idea, but Catacombs is no Descent, that’s for damn sure! Especially the special effects which were very unspecial indeed!
I’m a DJ by night and believe me when I tell you the rave scenes were unimpressive; over-lit, unrealistically chaotic, and the music was boring as bat shit. Then there’s the menace; a grunting beast of a man in a fleshy goat’s head mask who pursues and terrorises those who stray to far into the shadows of the tunnels. Poor Victoria gets separated from her sister and, after police raid the rave and there’s a massive exodus, she spends the rest of the movie trying to find her way out of the labyrinth.
I’m so tempted to spoil the utterly irresponsible behaviour which serves as the movie’s backbone, suffice to say that the movie’s violent denouement is the most ludicrous I’ve seen in a horror movie for a while. It’s almost as if the filmmakers found themselves backed into a dark corner and were desperate to find the light. The mediocre acting didn’t help. Alecia Moore is apparently keen on an acting career, I say don’t give up the Pink job just yet.
Shannyn Sossamon is actually a decent actor, but frequently ends up in thankless roles or shite films. I feel for her; she used to be a DJ herself, before she was discovered. It’s a shame a really good director doesn’t give her something she can get her teeth into, rather than spend the best (err, worst) part of 80 minutes in a straggly olive-green dress running and screaming for her life in almost complete darkness (there are actually several scenes where the screen is pitch black for minutes on end!)
Catacombs is a movie that should have been really fucking scary! Instead it falls apart from the beginning, and disintegrates at a rapid pace. It’s an utter waste of time and money, but more to the point, an utter waste of a great location. Although to be precise none of the movie was actually filmed in the real Parisian catacombs. Instead the production design recreated numerous tunnel sets in Bucharest, Romania.
Just like the cover of a book or the artwork on a record or CD, you can be seduced by the title, the graphic design, the cosmetics. But low and behold once you get into the actual content, you can be very much mistaken. The five movies I mentioned above all had impressive poster designs and intriguing premises. The same goes for the fifteen movies I’ve brought to your attention over the last couple of posts, so I suppose seven or so might actually be worth forking out your hard-earned dollars for.
From the producers of Saw (I should’ve baulked when I saw that statement glaring at me from the top of the DVD cover) Catacombs (2007) tells the incredibly vacuous “tale” of Victoria (Shannyn Sossamon), a naïve American girl who is invited to join her sister Carolyn (Alecia Moore aka Pink, who looks nothing like Shannyn) in Paris for some serious partying. Victoria has never left Baltimore, but the postcard of the City of Light looks alluring so she jumps on a plane.
Once in gay Paree, after a hassle from patronising customs officials (a sly, but tenuous dig at how the French don’t like anyone who can’t speak Francais), Victoria is met by boisterous Carolyn and whisked off on a shopping spree. Then as night descends and they’ve got their rave threads on it’s off to the front of a long queue and into the arms of a large bouncer who ushers them down into the notorious Parisian catacombs toward a subterranean dance party.
It is down here that we’ll spend the duration of the movie; the remaining hour or more. The girls arrive at their destination, apparently 100 feet below the surface (although it never feels like they descended anywhere near that depth) lies 200-odd miles of limestone tunnels lined with the skeletal remains of around 7 million Parisians who were exhumed from their original resting places 400 years ago because Paris was overcrowded with the dead. The skeletons were then relocated underground and, with the help of local artistes, creatively cemented into the walls, ceilings and wherever there was room.
Fascinating stuff, unfortunately when I was recently in Paris on my honeymoon the damn catacombs were closed for maintenance! I was gutted. Oh well, next time.
It’s a real pity writer/directors Tomm Coker & David Elliot couldn’t come up with a more interesting, compelling, effective, powerful movie then. Setting a movie in the Paris catacombs is a great idea, but Catacombs is no Descent, that’s for damn sure! Especially the special effects which were very unspecial indeed!
I’m a DJ by night and believe me when I tell you the rave scenes were unimpressive; over-lit, unrealistically chaotic, and the music was boring as bat shit. Then there’s the menace; a grunting beast of a man in a fleshy goat’s head mask who pursues and terrorises those who stray to far into the shadows of the tunnels. Poor Victoria gets separated from her sister and, after police raid the rave and there’s a massive exodus, she spends the rest of the movie trying to find her way out of the labyrinth.
I’m so tempted to spoil the utterly irresponsible behaviour which serves as the movie’s backbone, suffice to say that the movie’s violent denouement is the most ludicrous I’ve seen in a horror movie for a while. It’s almost as if the filmmakers found themselves backed into a dark corner and were desperate to find the light. The mediocre acting didn’t help. Alecia Moore is apparently keen on an acting career, I say don’t give up the Pink job just yet.
Shannyn Sossamon is actually a decent actor, but frequently ends up in thankless roles or shite films. I feel for her; she used to be a DJ herself, before she was discovered. It’s a shame a really good director doesn’t give her something she can get her teeth into, rather than spend the best (err, worst) part of 80 minutes in a straggly olive-green dress running and screaming for her life in almost complete darkness (there are actually several scenes where the screen is pitch black for minutes on end!)
Catacombs is a movie that should have been really fucking scary! Instead it falls apart from the beginning, and disintegrates at a rapid pace. It’s an utter waste of time and money, but more to the point, an utter waste of a great location. Although to be precise none of the movie was actually filmed in the real Parisian catacombs. Instead the production design recreated numerous tunnel sets in Bucharest, Romania.
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Comment by David O'Connell
Screen Fanatic
What was that one with Heath Ledger (more than one actually!) - The Order? God, that was one of the worst films I've ever seen!!!
Comment by Bryn
Horrorphile
Comment by Damo
Oh well. Usually when something goes wrong in anything it always starts at the beginning so we get plenty of warning.
Blows me away that the place is real.
Comment by Bethany
Comment by Bryn
Horrorphile
And, yeah, Shannyn does have the chops, someone should give her something to chow down on!
Comment by XlupoldX
Comment by Bryn
Horrorphile
Comment by Anonymous
I THINK its Eleven The Movie
( www.ElevenTheMovie.com )
all the cast have 11 letters in their name just like the original cast and cast of the new series ie
Sean Connery
Roxanne Hart
Clancy Brown
Adam Pierson etc
and Alecia Moore has 11 letters. Can anyone confirm this please ?
Comment by Bryn
Horrorphile
Comment by Anonymous