Bait 3D

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Bait

September 19th 2012 07:51

Twenty producers worked on this Australian movie. There’s a disaster happening right there. No, I’m not talking about the tsunami that hits the sunshine coastal town and traps a motley crew of goodies and baddies inside a supermarket, along with a very hungry 12-foot long Great White Shark; I’m talking about the disaster of a movie that is Bait (2012). This movie is so bad it becomes an unintentional comedy. In fact, I almost recommend it on that level. But I think you’d need to be familiar with some of the actors to truly appreciate just how low they’re slumming it, and one has to assume that this was never intended as a comedy, but as a terrifying horror movie. Only, the real horror is that so much money (an estimated twenty million) and talent was squandered on such a diabolical screenplay.

Xavier Samuel as Josh

Where do I start? How about with that dreaded “commercial appeal” of aiming the movie at American audiences. The township is never named, but within the opening minutes one character, Rory (Richard Brancotisano), sports an American accent, and the other, Josh (Xavier Samuel), delivers some kind of Oz-Yank mashup. Further in and we’re greeted with a couple more “Americans”, Tina (a borderline anorexic Sharni Vinson) and Doyle (Julian McMahon). It isn’t until past the halfway mark that a character, Jaimie (Phoebe Tonkin) mentions that she traveled to the States as a girl, and finally it becomes clear that the movie is set in Australia, althought the geography has been further confused by characters discussing the length of the shark in feet (American), not metres (imperial).

Julian McMahon as Doyle

Josh is depressed. He lost his good mate Rory to a Great White and now, a year on, he’s struggling to come to terms with the loss. His girlfriend, Tina, has moved on, now dating an Asian dude (Yuwu Qi), but there is tension between them, which rears its head later in the movie. Doyle is a robber and intent on getting the goodies from the supermarket safe, but his plan is scuttled by another villain (Dan Wyllie) with a trigger finger, and before anyone has time to realise a massive tidal wave engulfs the supermarket.

Phoebe Tonkin as Jaimie and Alex Russell as Ryan

Ten survivors, including Todd (Martin Sacks), Phoebe’s cop daddy, find themselves perched on the tops of the supermarket shelves. Another three, Kyle (Lincoln Lewis) and (yet another “American”) Heather (Caribe Heine), two really annoying teenage lovers, and Ryan (Alex Russell), the boyfriend of Jaimie, are trapped in the car park down under. Can this bunch find a way out of the ruined, inundated supermarket, or will the enormous cartoon shark with the enormous appetite make breakfast, lunch and dinner of them all?

Lincoln Lewis as Kyle and Caribe Heine as Heather

I’m not sure what is more cringe-inducing; the selection of decent actors who will no doubt want to scrub this flick from their resume, such as Julian McMahon, Dan Wyllie, Martin Sacks, and even young Phoebe Tonkin. Or, that visually talented Russell Mulcahy is responsible for co-writing the appalling script that features some of the direst dialogue I’ve seen in a movie for quite some time. Apparently Mulcahy was originally slated to direct but pulled out for some reason. Kimble Rendall took up the reigns. Why couldn’t it have been him directing someone else’s decent screenplay?! Co-penned with John Kim, four others are credited with “additional writing”. Good lord, it took six people to churn out this piece of rubbish?!

Sharni Vinson as Tina and Alice Wilkinson as Naomi

I find myself back at the start: the twenty producers. This is never a good sign. But the irony – and dare I say it, somewhat entertaining element – was the response in the cinema. The audience was rolling in the aisles with laughter. Yup, the dialogue and delivery (Dan Wyllie’s performance has to be seen to be truly “appreciated”) is that risible. So, like I said, perhaps Bait will become the new Showgirls.

Or perhaps not.

Dan Wyllie chews the scenery

One pat on the back I will make is for the special effects makeup and prosthetics supervisor Samantha Lyttle, who delivers some solid work. Sorry, 3D? Was the movie in 3D? I think I missed that element.

Bruce is back!

There have been four killer fish features in the last few years; two nailed it, and two missed the boat entirely. Alexandre Aja’s Piranha (2010) remake got exactly the right tone and execution for an OTT exploitation flick, and Andrew Truacki’s The Reef (2010) was a pared back, but still very nightmarish thriller. The two that failed miserably were Shark Night (2011) and this one.

Here’s the trailer:

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Posted By: Bryn - Category: movie reviews

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Comments

2 Comments. [ Add A Comment ]

Comment by JohnDoe

September 29th 2012 19:08

Film & TV on DVD

Amusing review Bryn,

What a stupid idea. How does this crap get funding?

P.S. "Showgirls" was always intended to be comedy. Listen to the commentary, it succeeds in satirizing America's manufactured eroticism, addiction to artificial stimuli and repressed sexuality. The plastic porno is a good way to describe it.