THOU SHALT NOT PLUNDER ... (a post remake)
October 10th 2008 01:54
I’ll try to keep it brief; I don’t want to sound like a stuck record (although I am starting to sound like a stuck record if you check any of the posts in my vitriol category). Remakes: they give me the shits. As a rule that is, but of course there are exceptions to any rule.
Slowly and surely all the modern horror movies are being remade. It’s depressing. Especially when there is nothing wrong with the original, it does everything right, yet the Hollywood machine is programmed to run in circles forever plundering and re-cycling the past instead of invigorating cinema with fresh untapped blood.
I was dismayed when I first learned that George Romero’s seminal Dawn of the Dead (1978) was going to be given the re-envisioning treatment. However, in one of those rare examples Zack Synder’s new look turned out to be rather excellent. However I was utterly mortified when two of my very favourites were plundered: John Carpenter’s Halloween (1978) and George Romero’s Day of the Dead (1985). Rob Zombie completely fucked up as far as I’m concerned, and the less said of Day of the Dead (2008) the better.
I was very upset when I found out a remake – ahem, re-envisioning – of John Carpenter’s The Thing (1982) is in pre-production. Ironically though Carpenter’s version is a remake of The Thing From Another World (1951), but it is one of the rare exceptions, where the remake is actually significantly better than the original (and actually stays closer to the literary source material).
I was just as upset when I recently read that Dario Argento’s Suspiria (1977) - the witches' brew to end all witches’ brews - is going to be remade with Natalie Portman in the lead role. John Doe then cries to me the other day that Alan Parker’s superb noir-horror Angel Heart (1987) is also scheduled to go under the Hollywood knife.
And the list goes on and on including several other cult classics I'm very fond of; The Omen (1976), My Bloody Valentine (1981), and The Evil Dead (1982) to name a few. This brings me to my Debate Battle! on the untouchable Alien (1979), and leads me to the point of this post: Five firm favourites that have yet to be plundered, but more than likely will. My heart is heavy with anxiety.
1. Alien (1979)
2. Phantasm (1978)
3. An American Werewolf in London (1981)
4. Videodrome (1982)
5. Deep Red (Profondo Rosso) (1975)
And of course The Exorcist (1973), which surprises me since that movie is twenty-five years old. I suppose there’s a few I won’t have to worry about for a while (if at all), simply because they are too way out, existential, weird and … well, I was going to say extreme, but apparently Cannibal Holocaust (1980) is being remade … I was actually referring to David Lynch’s Eraserhead (1976), Andrzej Zulawski’s Possession (1981) and Alejandro Jodorowsky’s Santa Sangre (1989), but hey, you never know.
What favourite horror movies do you hope will remain untouched by the dirty hands of producers wanting to remake, re-envision, re-boot and re-package so they can milk a new generation’s hunger for fresh meat by selling them yesterday’s congealed blood?
Jessica Harper is disturbed by the prospect of Hollywood remaking Suspiria
John Hurt writhes in agony at the thought of a remake of Alien
The Tall Man does not like the idea of a remake of Phantasm at all
If they can pull off a better werewolf transformation than this I'll eat my boots
James Woods turns into a sadist when a remake of Videodrome is suggested
1. Alien (1979)
2. Phantasm (1978)
3. An American Werewolf in London (1981)
4. Videodrome (1982)
5. Deep Red (Profondo Rosso) (1975)
And of course The Exorcist (1973), which surprises me since that movie is twenty-five years old. I suppose there’s a few I won’t have to worry about for a while (if at all), simply because they are too way out, existential, weird and … well, I was going to say extreme, but apparently Cannibal Holocaust (1980) is being remade … I was actually referring to David Lynch’s Eraserhead (1976), Andrzej Zulawski’s Possession (1981) and Alejandro Jodorowsky’s Santa Sangre (1989), but hey, you never know.
There'll be headaches and tears if anyone comes near Argento's Deep Red
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Comment by Damo
I am so cross about that.
However we have never had a properly made version of War of the Worlds.
A remake of Lord Jim or Lawrence of Arabia would kill me.
Comment by Anonymous
Kemi~
Comment by David O'Connell
Screen Fanatic
Don't Look Now also which is a landmark film that I truly love; it'd be impossible to imagine an update trying to recapture the oppressive atmosphere of dread in the original, and of course that shock ending - how could you replicate that? It would probably come off feeling like a bad joke and somehow diminish the impact of Roeg's film.
Comment by Bryn
Horrorphile
Lilith! Lovely to see you in the Darkness ... And yes, I think of you when I think of Phantasm. Dare I even mention it, but I can imagine executives salivating over what they think they could achieve with CGI that Coscarelli did with odds and ends. But as you and I (and all the other fans) know Coscarelli achieved brilliance with very little. Whereas any remake would achieve very little at a very high cost.
David, yes, well Alien is the one for me also (which is why I did a petition disguised as a Debate Battle!) Don't Look Now is superb, and it's high time I reviewed it. I'm sure they'd be a few Hollywood actors eager to play the roles of Donald and Julie ...
Comment by Damo
They are not but to remake them would be.
Also the original King Kong still holds my attention more than the ice-skating CGI version and certainly more than the groovy 70's version.
Comment by Michaelie
Flick Wit
I like Natalie Portman, but the news that Suspiria is next in line to be worked over is a blow. Who is doing the deed?
I have felt like the remakes and sequels and adaptations are getting more prevalent in the last couple of years, but then I start noticing the ones from the last few decades. Maybe I'm just more conscious of the recent ones because they seem to be, on the whole, worse remakes and sequels and adaptations, made primarily because they seem to be easy, almost risk-free money makers?
I don't know, but it has hit all genres and I think it's getting on a lot of people's nerves now.
Michaelie
Comment by Cibbuano
Hunt Famous
Orble Post of the Day
Fat Cult
Techbreak
Comment by Bryn
Horrorphile
Michaelie, you're right, all genres are being plundered, it just feels like horror is being hit particularly hard and with precious little intelligence.