Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides
May 30th 2011 22:48
It’s a little tenuous reviewing this movie on my site, I’ll freely admit that; hardly a horror movie, but more importantly does it feature enough “nightmare” elements for it to qualify inclusion? The simple answer is yes; the longer answer is not really. It’s a swashbuckling adventure tale across the high seas that happens to involve a couple of menacing zombified pirates and some very alluring mermaids-cum-fang-bearing sirens, but more on that a little later. Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides (2011) is what I term “supertrash”, all $250m of it. Directed by Rob Marshall, the guy who made Chicago and Nine, and written by series writers Ted Elliott and Terry Rossio (although apparently inspired by a historical novel by Tim Powers).
First up, the movie as a whole; overlong, though not nearly as overlong as the previous three instalments in Disney’s hugely successful movie series based on Disneyland’s original splashy cavernous boat joyride. There’s way too much dialogue, and the dry-docked first half plods along with numerous two-handed conversation pieces. Still, it ended up being more engaging than The Curse of the Black Pearl, and possibly Dead Man’s Chest (I never saw At World's End).
However, if the two rows of obnoxious brats seated in front of my wife and I were anything to judge by, the movie was simply not engaging enough; they had the attention spans of flies and the wholly irritating presence of flies as well, constantly leaving their seats and chatting incessantly. I reprimanded the bunch three times. Two-thirds of the way into the movie there were only two of them left, the others had buggered off. I know I was never that rude at twelve or so when I went to the cinema, treating it like my living room. But enough of the annoying younger generation, I’ve digressed something chronic!
Johnny Depp is still chewing the scenery like a drunken demon; his Captain Sparrow characterisation now so deeply etched as to no doubt haunt him for the rest of his career! Geoffery Rush returns as the yellow-eyed Captain Barbossa, now hobbling with peg leg. Arrrr! Ian McShane steps out of the shadows as the dreaded Blackbeard, complete with smouldering dreadlocks, although his presence wasn’t nearly as formidable as I had hoped (he’s actually quite short I discovered). Let’s be honest here, McShane was slumming it dreadfully. Penelope Cruz made a memorable entry, as Angelica, but initially as Sparrow’s “doppelganger”, only to have her heaving bosom threaten to steal everyone’s thunder. She too appeared to be in it for the money, but still a joy to watch strutting her buccaneer stride.
It wasn’t until the half way mark whilst questing for the Fountain of Youth and the mermaids’ arrival that On Stranger Tides started to lift its mythological game (of which the entire series rest its heels on). It was about time mermaids entered the Pirates’ picture! Gemma Ward, the wide-eyed Australian supermodel, played Tamara (as she’s named in the end credits), a blonde mermaid who is first to rise from the depths and lure the sailors into a deadly kiss. But it is the young dark-haired beauty Syrena (Astrid Berge-Frisbey) - named by the awestruck young missionary Philip (Sam Claflin) – who is netted by Blackbeard. He needs a mermaid’s teardrop, genuinely spilled in joy or sorrow (joy is the more potent), to add to one of the two chalices he has purloined. With the chalices the Fountain of Youth will bring him eternal life!
Watching the rather chaste depiction of the mermaid sirens (one must keep in mind this is an M-rated movie, PG-13 in the States), all carefully positioned hair and immaculate fangs, it made me yearn for a movie depicting the mythology of mermaids and sirens in all their unbridled eroticism and ferocity. I want voluptuous nudity and mouths full of serrated, shark-like incisors. I want the dual appearance of goddess and succubus played to the hilt. The mermaid sirens of On Stranger Tides didn’t ride that particular nightmare wave, but they certainly provided a piqued interest.
One other memorable moment was Blackbeard’s demise (no real spoiler there, we all know he got his beans), caught up in the whirlpool of destruction courtesy of the Fountain of Youth, having unwittingly saved his daughter, thanks to Sparrow’s sly confusion, Blackbeard’s flesh is torn from his face, his skeletal hand bursting through the watery dust devil in three dimensions (yet On Stranger Tides is one of those movies that hardly seems worth the extra money spent on 3D glasses.)
There’s a straight-to-DVD release called Siren, more of a straight horror, about a hapless group on a yacht in the Meditteranean. It’s probably terrible, but I think I’ll have to hunt that one down.
Here’s the trailer:
First up, the movie as a whole; overlong, though not nearly as overlong as the previous three instalments in Disney’s hugely successful movie series based on Disneyland’s original splashy cavernous boat joyride. There’s way too much dialogue, and the dry-docked first half plods along with numerous two-handed conversation pieces. Still, it ended up being more engaging than The Curse of the Black Pearl, and possibly Dead Man’s Chest (I never saw At World's End).
However, if the two rows of obnoxious brats seated in front of my wife and I were anything to judge by, the movie was simply not engaging enough; they had the attention spans of flies and the wholly irritating presence of flies as well, constantly leaving their seats and chatting incessantly. I reprimanded the bunch three times. Two-thirds of the way into the movie there were only two of them left, the others had buggered off. I know I was never that rude at twelve or so when I went to the cinema, treating it like my living room. But enough of the annoying younger generation, I’ve digressed something chronic!
Johnny Depp is still chewing the scenery like a drunken demon; his Captain Sparrow characterisation now so deeply etched as to no doubt haunt him for the rest of his career! Geoffery Rush returns as the yellow-eyed Captain Barbossa, now hobbling with peg leg. Arrrr! Ian McShane steps out of the shadows as the dreaded Blackbeard, complete with smouldering dreadlocks, although his presence wasn’t nearly as formidable as I had hoped (he’s actually quite short I discovered). Let’s be honest here, McShane was slumming it dreadfully. Penelope Cruz made a memorable entry, as Angelica, but initially as Sparrow’s “doppelganger”, only to have her heaving bosom threaten to steal everyone’s thunder. She too appeared to be in it for the money, but still a joy to watch strutting her buccaneer stride.
It wasn’t until the half way mark whilst questing for the Fountain of Youth and the mermaids’ arrival that On Stranger Tides started to lift its mythological game (of which the entire series rest its heels on). It was about time mermaids entered the Pirates’ picture! Gemma Ward, the wide-eyed Australian supermodel, played Tamara (as she’s named in the end credits), a blonde mermaid who is first to rise from the depths and lure the sailors into a deadly kiss. But it is the young dark-haired beauty Syrena (Astrid Berge-Frisbey) - named by the awestruck young missionary Philip (Sam Claflin) – who is netted by Blackbeard. He needs a mermaid’s teardrop, genuinely spilled in joy or sorrow (joy is the more potent), to add to one of the two chalices he has purloined. With the chalices the Fountain of Youth will bring him eternal life!
Watching the rather chaste depiction of the mermaid sirens (one must keep in mind this is an M-rated movie, PG-13 in the States), all carefully positioned hair and immaculate fangs, it made me yearn for a movie depicting the mythology of mermaids and sirens in all their unbridled eroticism and ferocity. I want voluptuous nudity and mouths full of serrated, shark-like incisors. I want the dual appearance of goddess and succubus played to the hilt. The mermaid sirens of On Stranger Tides didn’t ride that particular nightmare wave, but they certainly provided a piqued interest.
One other memorable moment was Blackbeard’s demise (no real spoiler there, we all know he got his beans), caught up in the whirlpool of destruction courtesy of the Fountain of Youth, having unwittingly saved his daughter, thanks to Sparrow’s sly confusion, Blackbeard’s flesh is torn from his face, his skeletal hand bursting through the watery dust devil in three dimensions (yet On Stranger Tides is one of those movies that hardly seems worth the extra money spent on 3D glasses.)
There’s a straight-to-DVD release called Siren, more of a straight horror, about a hapless group on a yacht in the Meditteranean. It’s probably terrible, but I think I’ll have to hunt that one down.
Here’s the trailer:
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